Tense and nervous and I can't relax

This morning the boy dogs got into a fight right behind my chair here. I haven't the foggiest idea what set the big one off but he went after the puppy. Just let me say the big dog is 70 lbs and the puppy is 50 lbs and he's really not a puppy anymore. He's a year and a half.

I yelled and screamed and threw some boxes (both were mostly empty) at them and tried to yank the big one off the little one but I was also acutely aware he might try and bite me either on purpose or more likely on accident. He is muzzled so he probably couldn't get much but he is a big dog.

He did finally hear me (or one of the two boxes hit him just right) and ran away. The pup got up and started to run after him. I grabbed him by the tail and he just stopped. Then I put a barrier up between the two rooms and yelled at the big dog.

He knew he was in trouble. The pup wanted to go out there with him but I wouldn't let him.

I snuck out at lunch time, went to the fabric store and got some stuff to make a more secure muzzle. I got Pellon 72; an ultra firm stabilizer for crafts such as bowls, boxes, handbags, quilting and more. The more is making a muzzle. It's something that can't be torn and I'm hoping it will weather the puppy biting it and such. I'll know in a day or so. I should have gotten some nylon webbing for straps but since I had very little time I forgot. I used velcro as a closure but I wanted way more heavy duty velcro. I had to use about all I got to make sure the puppy couldn't pull it and it come apart from itself.

It also looks like hell but for now I'm content with what I made.

I hate getting all tense like that. I don't think my family knows how much it affects me. Everyone seems pretty cavalier about me breaking up dog fights. That kind of tension makes me go into flares because I can't seem to stop the fight or flight reaction for days and sometimes weeks. I get all jumpy that it will happen again. I feel pretty lucky that my muscles didn't get all spasmy because that's what usually happens. I tend to use up a lot of cortisol and that's bad. See here.

I'm hoping I go to bed tonight and sleep all the night thru instead of keeping one ear aware and one eye open at all times. And if I do that my body won't be making the cortisol I need, and having depleted cortisol is horrible.

Ok, I'm going to go read and see if I can relax.