Stat!

I had no idea I had a derm appt today...til I got to work and the reminder popped up.  Crap.  The derm needed to check a mole on my leg.

I got there and the exam room was burning hot.  Like 100 degrees with no air movement.  I brought wool knitting with me and no book.  Sweat began dripping down my face.  Not due to stress but that I was sitting in the precursor to hell office.  Is Purgatory hot?

The nice (young) female doctor came in and said, "So you have a mole I need to look at?"  "Yes, it's on my upper left leg."  

"Ok, go ahead and show me."

"Show you?  Right now?"

"Yes, go ahead pull down your pants and show me, come over here."

"Pull down my pants."

"Yes."

"Ok."  So I did even tho I felt kind of awkward that I didn't have a gown on so I could only show a bit of my body at a time.  And I felt lucky that I stood there not quite pulling down my pants til I got over to her.  Otherwise I'd have to walk that crabby walk when your pants are down around your knees. 

"Oh, that needs a biopsy."

(I pull up my pants)

"A biopsy?"

"Yes, right now."

"Right now?"

"Yes."

Just call me Polly the parrot because everything she says I am repeating after her.  

"Oh,ok.  It's just that I wasn't expecting...."

"I know but it has to be done.  It won't hurt much, it's like a bad shaving accident.  I'll just shave it off."

"A bad shaving accident huh?  I hate shaving accidents.  You're gonna shave it off?"

"Yes."

She leaves after telling me the nurse will be in to set things up.  I think "Whew, maybe now I'll get a drape.  The nurse comes in with a lot of hustle and bustle setting things up.  Like syringes and little bottles.  But no drape.  Hmmmmm.

Doc comes back in and says, "Go ahead, take your pants down and get up on the table."

"Pants down, on the table?"

"Yes."  (you'd think by now she'd be getting irritated by the echo that seems to be the punishment in this hot purgatory).

I undo my pants and hop up on the table.  

"Turn over."

"Turn over?"

"Yes, on your belly."

"On my belly?"

(Even I am, at this point hearing how idiotic I sound repeating everything.  Why she isn't asking me if I want a cracker is something I will never understand.)

 I turn over and she gives me a shot to numb the pain.  I am very self concious that my ass is showing, my pants are around my ankles, I'm wearing knee high leather boots and I have no drape and I decide to converse with her about hmmmmm, the possible results of a biopsy.

I say, "So what kind of cancers...."

"Oh, I think this will come back as benign.  I can usually tell by the feeling of the mass and this one feels benign.  Melonoma feels different."

At the moment I'm not all that concerned that it's melonoma but ya know there is always that possiblity, especially since she was soooo quick to say "BIOPSY! Stat!.  Ok, I made up the Stat part.

She asks the nurse for a *punch*.

"A punch?" I asked.

"Yes, we're gonna do a punch biopsy."  Hmmm, what happened to shaving it off?

She punches it.  "Owwiiieeeee.:  I yipe. 

"hmmmm, you feel that?"  Since my leg is jumping around with twitches you'd think she'd know I could feel it.

"Yes, I feel that."

"Ok, another shot for you."

Immediately she gives me another and I still feel the second punch.  Neither of them were enough to bring tears to my eyes but I expect if I deal with the pain of a numbing shot (or two) I shouldn't feel anything after that. 

"All done."

"All done?"

"Well, you're getting some stitches, 2 or 3."

"Stitches?"

"Yep, stitches."

She stitches it up, by now there is no pain just tugging.  I hop off the table pulling up my pants.  

The doc leaves.  The nurse hands me a paper with instructions about stitches and tells me the results will be back in 2 weeks.  I am to come back in two weeks to have the stitches removed as well.  I leave.

It takes maybe 30 mins all told.  Fast.  I walk out to my car and while I am walking the side of my leg feels wet.  I thought it was from the numbing stuff.

I'm driving back to work and I feel my pants and it feel wet.  Not like water but wet.  I look down and there is blood on the seat.  Crap.  I'm bleeding.  I pull over onto a side street. 

Now I might have just pulled my pants down for a couple of strangers but I am not about to pull down down my pants on the side of the road, even if I am in my car.  I call my work to tell them I am going home to inspect what I think is an unholy bloody mess and would call them from home.

I get home and yes, I was bleeding.  My black (lined) pants got soaked with blood...although it was maybe a 4 inch patch of blood that seemed to have stopped by the time I got home.  I sent a photo to my boss. LOL. She told me to stay home and she'd see me tomorrow.  

The bandaid they used is one of those circular ones.  It's small.  There is not enough gauzy stuff on that thing to soak up more than a drop of blood and I had more than just a drop.  I mean I wasn't bleeding to death but I know if my pants hadn't soaked up most of it I'd really been freaking out.  

So here is the lesson here: If you are going to get a mole looked at, just expect them to ask you to pull down your pants right now.  Yes, now.  No honeymoon phase.  Now.  If you didn't shave your legs too bad.  I tell you this because if you react like I did...become a repeating parrot, it will be your own fault for not learning from my mistake.  I'm just saying. 

I'm gonna post a photo so if you don't like that kind of thing don't look.  But really, it's not that bad.  Funny how I'm fine showing the wound but am not fine about pulling down my pants at the drop of a hat. 

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Keep scrolling, it's there. 

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Here is a photo of the 2 stitches and the teeny bandage.