Retreat

Today I have to go to a "retreat" at work.  That's where we close the office and retreat offsite and do planning for the next year.  Me and my boss are supposed to be there but literally there is no reason for us to go.  

Last night at 5:10 one of the bosses told me they had to do a presentation on personality styles (like Myers-Briggs) and she asked me to bring mine in so she and I could do a comparison in front of everyone.  We have two opposite personalities.  She prefers to sit in her office never coming out and not talking to a lot of people.  I prefer to move around talking to a lot of different people.  (which is why I hate being chained to my desk doing nothing every day).  She must deliberate for days her decisions and I make them right now.   It will make for a good example for people.  It irritates me that she asked me to do this the night before when my profile is at home, not somewhere where I can make copies for everyone.  A friend of mine suggested I not bring mine in to make the boss do the whole thing on her own.  I won't take that suggestion for various reasons.  I guess one thing is true, your personality type doesn't vary much when it comes to natural reactions...it's a challenge to be given something at the last minute and get it done.  So I'll do it.  

Yesterday a girl who is above me in an administrative position told me I had to change a form to say:  "Hours will very monthly".   I am very amused by that.  

Yay, something fun!

Hey, guess what?  Today I found out I won 2 Simplicity quilting rulers from C & T Publishing. Cool eh?  I was jazzed all day.  I constantly lose rulers and yardsticks...so I'm hoping these won't be "lost" as I'll tell the family "Hands OFF!"  

They're going to send me 2 of one of these on this page here. I don't know which 2, there were multiple winners and they said they'd select 2 for each person.  

What a nice thing eh?

The other thing is I was busy almost all day.  THAT is a nice turn.  What I wouldn't give to be busy all day at work.  Except not the kind of Rube Goldberg busy of yesterday please.  LOL. 

That's my report for today. 

Rube

Dear Diary...LOL, some days I wonder if I'm just crazy because I seem to be the only one who scratches their head over Rube Goldberg practices.



We have to document every financial expenditure at work. It's a good practice because we do get audited every few years. It's understood at my job everything is documented. We have to go to training to know all the documentation rules for audits.

I had a form returned to me yesterday because a change in the total dollar amt we were spending changed. No problem. The new contract came in and I scanned it into a 3 page PDF document. First page was the approval form with a small space for the description details of what we were spending. The total dollar amount was written into the box that said Total. There was a brief description of the total. The contract was scanned in as pages 2 and 3. I wrote in the small description box to see attached for details.

NO! It was returned to me because the entire description had to be in the 2 inch space, it could not be attached, even tho it was in a single PDF document.

The person who returned it said it could not be in separate pages. The full description had to be on one page. She said it was for auditing purposes.

Since I had a PDF and a Excel doc I had to redo the Excel doc so there was more room than the 2 inches available. Then I had to shrink the PDF description down a number of times to fit in the available space. I cut it and then taped it onto the form and then scanned that so the description was on a single page. Took me 45 mins to do the whole thing. (Mostly because I had to redo the Excel form and unprotect and protect fields, PITA really). Scanning the pages also takes time.

Eventually she admitted it was so her boss who has to sign it didn't have to flip the page to read the detail. Sooooo, I spent an extra 45 mins on this stupid document not because of auditing purposes but so HER BOSS DIDN'T HAVE TO FLIP TO PAGE 2 TO SEE THE DETAIL.
Flipping the page might have taken him 1/10 of a second. But she makes me spend 45 mins. redoing the form when a single page format is not required for auditing purposes.

No wonder we can never get anything done timely at the university.

Recap

I've been up for an hour. Either sinus headache or migraine.

This weekend was full of stuff for me to do. Pool party on Friday evening to get all of us together because our friend has a Japanese exchange student here. This student was here 3 years ago, loved it and asked if she could come visit again for a week before heading to Minnesota to her actual host family. Isn't that great? It was fun, all the kids were there swimming while us adults hung out and ate pizza.

Saturday was book club. Fun as usual. Earlier in the day my daughter had a BAD migraine and a BAD reaction to her new meds so I mostly worried the whole day. Getting out to do something (by the time I left the husband was home to watch her and she was sleeping) was nice.

Sunday was a slow day, I read mostly. Tried to take a nap but just as I was falling asleep or maybe had been asleep for 10 mins the husband started rehearsing. He has an unbelievably loud voice so it woke me right up. It's kind of like someone standing next to you yelling in your ear when you're asleep. You jump up startled. Yeah, I was not a happy camper.

He left for his open mike thing. I took a shower and my friend called and asked if we wanted to come over for homemake tempura. How could I say no? I was clean, I was hungry and nobody was home so my night was free. It was great.

Hey, look! It's 5:30 now, time for me to get up and get ready for work.

Scattered stuff

A yesterday I finished a knitted scarf. It's was 105 outside and I sat and knitted the last couple of inches at lunch. Craziness.

Today it was 111 where I live. Hot as Hell.

Work this week was odd. The big boss was very solicitous to me all week. Today she invited me to lunch, she paid for a 15.00 lunch at a nice restaurant. All we did was make small talk, no talk about the bad stuff in the office. Weird. We get along fine but it was still odd and weird.

Tomorrow night is Book Club. That Potato Peel Pie book was good I thought. I totally enjoyed it. Light and fun (with some war-ickiness) made it a good read.

I want to make a book. A covered folio really with hand sewn signatures. Using fabric and other media on the cover. I swear I should stick to one thing instead of having Craft ADHD.

More ADHD moments: The first photo is me from the birthday party I attended in LA a few weeks ago. A stranger came up to me and asked if he could take my picture. While I don't really like my picture taken I said ok. I look ok. (otherwise you'd never see this). The owner of the photo has it uploaded to FB so I was able to grab it (with his permission) The second picture is the shoes I wore that night. I took that picture. I don't wear white shoes ('cept sometimes tennis shoes) but you can see I do wear spiky heels. LOL, one of these days I'll decide I'm too old for heels but certainly not yet. Give me a great pair of pumps and I am a happy over the hill woman. Bwhahahaha.

The phone isn't ringing

hmmmm, there is a "Come to JC" meeting in the conference room. The big boss read the self evals and I think the message of how messed up the office is came through.

One of the complaints is the lack of leadership here, specifically this dept. There are 3 bosses (actually 4 but one just started a week ago) and they all have their issues about not being available.
1. One is always in meetings away from the office. She is probably here 40% of the time and when she is here you can stand in her doorway and she will not look up at you. If you say something to her, she gives you the look of: What the hell do you want? and the tone of her voice matches that. People prefer to work around her.

2. One boss can't hear. I mean you can walk into her office and say: The temperture outside is 85. She will offer up solutions to a status. Her answer will be: Maybe you should wear lighter clothing? Or I'll have to ask the big boss if it's ok that you feel that way. If there is a direct question to her asking for specifics (in direction) she will say: What do you think? She cannot or will not take a stance.

3. The third one never wants to hear what anyone has to say unless they are a manager. It's very clear to everyone in the office that they don't count. Sooo, it's a lack of trust and confidence. The staff knows it. There are specifics on how this manifests but I can't talk about them.

Oddly only one dept is in there. Yet is almost all the staff that has an issue.

Right now I'm sitting in the front of the office and other than 3 people in the back working there is no one here. One of the girls who's office is right next to the conf room called me to tell me there were raised voices in there. Not raised enough that I can hear them tho...that means it's at least civil. But I'm betting there is a lot of frustration in that room right now.

lalala. I'll just sit here and listen for the phone to ring.

yoga

Tonight I went to yoga. It was fun although it was a slow class...but slow is good for me since I haven't taken a class in literally 2 years.

The teacher asked if I'd ever done yoga before - yes, but it's been 2 years.

You'll be fine, she told me. (lololol)

Later she came up to me and said, Oh, it looks like you've found your pose!

At the end of class she said, I think you could attend any class here. You did just fine.

I didn't want to tell her I've had years of training and I used to teach yoga. I used to teach at THAT studio. LOL, made me smile thinking of it.

I left that studio because of the weird owners and the fact that as I was traveling to a yoga conference (with big famous teachers workshops) one of the owners called me to tell me that he was...ah...well, ummmmm, needed to take my class away from me and give it to the new partner but if i wanted to take a different slot i could...but I'd have to teach a beginner class instead.

The old studio where I taught for 2 years merged with this new studio with weird owners. We were all told that none of us would lose our classes but by the time they did that with me, the other 5 original teachers had all had the same thing done to them. I knew it was just a matter of time. When the time came I just said, Ok, give the class away, I can't take the other class..good luck to you.

And I never went back. Too many weird stories from other yoga teachers, I didn't want to be involved.

Tonight I found out the weird owners were now gone and someone else owned the studio. Hmmmm, I decided to go.

Tonight I feel great, now I've got to figure out how I can go more often again.

Reading material

I started reading "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society" last night. Tonight I finished it. A very quick read and a very sweet book. It's about the occupation of Guernsey by the Germans. All in letter form.

So now I'm turning my self to "How to Win a Cosmic War: God, Globalization, and the End of the War on Terror". I have a lot of interest about the subject and I'm especially drawn to it because it's not about U.S. politics per se, but about how not understanding a culture brings about our situation.

I'll probably be better informed about the content after I read it but that is my take on it watching a few short interviews with the author a few months ago. One of the girls at work was reading the book and she lent it to me after she finished.

I love discussing religion with her. She's Christian and she's very well versed in other religions and cultures and understands how to bridge between them. She does not try to make her POV the *right* one, she allows that each person holds dear that which gives them the most solace. I admire that in a person. To know there is enough of everything for everyone.

So I'm off to go read at least the first chapter tonight. Better start in since it's after 10 p.m.

gotta move my butt

I don't really think anything will come of it but today I sent my resume to an old friend who works at Starbucks as a area manager.

I have a lot of management experience but it's in corporate not in retail. But I have had a lot of retail experience albeit was 25 years ago.

All I want to do is go to work and look forward to being there. Being able to talk to people rather than having to sit at a desk, no wait, chained to a desk.

So I lower myself to work retail (for there are a lot of people who'd consider that lowering my standards) but really, I can't keep working where I work without going totally crazy. I have to find something else.

Ha, but it has to pay more than I make now...which wouldn't be that difficult. I do want to get my deviated nose fixed so I do have to plan for that. Ideally I'd find something after Christmas so I can have that vacation time off...which will never happen at Christmas time if I work retail.

If nothing comes of me looking towards retail, that's ok too. I just need to put it out to the universe publically. I think. LOL.

Interdependence

I read something my niece wrote. Don't worry, it was public so it's not like I was being nosy. :-)

She wrote: "I’m broken, some days." ***note: Do not take that comment out of context, I only wanted to address this line.***

The struggle for independence is very tied to our versions of the expectations of others. It takes years to get to the point that you understand that piece. Sometimes you compromise, some times you can't.

We believe rightly or wrongly that if we don't behave a certain way we've failed (them). We think we know what the expectations are (and sometimes we do absolutely) and sometimes we make those expectations up.

Trying to balance the expectations of others and our own actions can sometimes make you feel like you've failed, that you're broken in some ways.

There is no failure in taking moments (days, weeks, etc.) in reflecting on the idea of not behaving in ways that don't come up to the expectations of others. There is no failure on your part if you cannot compromise your own self to come up to the expectations of others. For they are pushing their expectations upon you to meet their own expectations, even if they are not aware of it.

Broken? No. Finding your own voice, your own way? Yes.

"How beautiful it is to do nothing, & then to rest afterward."

The heat here is horrendous. Like Tx. Yesterday had to be 100 with 80% humidity. It's better today but still just stinkin' hot.

On Friday I stopped at an estate sale. I got a big bag of buttons for a dollar. They aren't great buttons, just plain buttons but I hate buying buttons at the store. Plastic buttons are expensive when you just need 1 (because you lost that one button somewhere, maybe the washer or dryer? It's not because I'm too fat it's always the bottom button to whatever cardigan or shirt I have. Weird). They looked all pretty together, the buttons that is.

So yesterday I made a bracelet out of some of the white ones. But I don't like the bracelet. I'm just not a button jewelry kind of gal. But it kept me busy for a little while.

I also knitted a bit on my scarf. I bought some Lion's brand suede in Spice for 1.50! I don't really like knitting with this stuff, no stretch at all. But how could I pass up yarn for 1.50? Since there was only one skein I should have passed on it but I loved the color. So my scarf is only 4 inches wide and hopefully it will be just long enough. If it isn't I plan on using one of the other 2 skeins in olive or teal as the other half. I know, weird but I think it would be cool to have 2 colors on each 1/2.

I could have done stripes using all 3 but I didn't want to weave in a kajillion ends. This yarn sucks when it comes to weaving in unless you want to knot it and I don't. The ends will always poke out and it looks ookie. Been there and done that.

Anyway I like the scarf, I'm doing seed stitch so it's nicely textured. And the best part is I don't have to think while doing it. LOL.

Today I ventured out of the house to pick up a book that we're reading for Book Club. Something about Potato Pie. I hear it's another one night read so I should have it finished by Sat no problem.

A nice weekend without having to think of that stupid place I stay at 9 hours a day on weekdays.

Talking

So on my review it was noted that people stop at my desk and talk to me. The only goal I have for the upcoming year is to figure out how to stop them from talking to me. I pointed out that the employees who are talking to me have the problem, not me. it's up to their supervisors to deal with their behaviour and if they're talking to me they should have it on their reviews. I'll add I got high marks for always having my work done completely and timely.

The day after my review the big boss who added the crap about people talking to me left the office for 3 hours (which is her right as an exempt employee). She went to sign escrow papers. You know, personal business. Her right as well.

She walks back into the office and I am sitting at my desk. Natch.

She talks to me for 20 minutes telling me about the horrors of signing all that paperwork and how terrible this whole process has been. She even leans on the wall as she talks to me. She finally goes into her office.

My boss looks at me and says: "OMG, I can't believe she just did that! She totally stood here for 20 mins talking to you about personal stuff!"

Yeah, that's the problem. The big boss can point out things like that but it's ok if she does it. I tell my boss all the time how she talks to me for up to 45 mins at the end of the day rather than doing work. Or letting me go home because the phone never rings after 5.

bitch, bitch, bitch...it's unbelievably crazy.

left the nest

It's funny to be friends with a 22 year old. She's barely older than my son but we have a different relationship than I have with my son's friends.

She's in grad school now, left a couple of days ago. Me and a friend from work went out, had dinner with her and then had a drink at a local pub (ok, so I ORDERED a drink but gave it to my friend after 3 sips). I am just not a drinker. Not interested. I've tried but really I just don't like being high. Weird. Well, because I used to drink socially all the time. Now, eh...I'd rather be sober.

I digress. It was great seeing her sing Karaoke in front of us. She was good! She said it took her a long time to be brave enough to do it. Well, she's got a great voice.

We parted about 10:30, I knew she had to be up by 3:00 a.m. What kind of adult friend would I be if we stayed out til midnight or later? LOL.

Tonight she called me, left a message and then posted to my wall on FB to call her. I did and she was exhuberant! She loves it in Chicago. Loves, loves, loves.

LOL, course she hasn't lived there in winter, I expect to hear her bitch about it later but for now, she is ecstatic. Good for her, an adventure. Something I've never done...gone away to live on my own having adventures. Looking back I wish I had. Oh well, I guess what is done is done, eh?

I'd love to visit her one day, me and my friend from work. For now I have to be content with seeing her pics on FB and hearing about her adventures. I hope she stays safe (I do worry about her). I know she looks at me as a friend but also as someone who she looks towards for advice. Things she might not broach her mother about just yet.

As an aside, her mom is 4 years younger than I am. LOL.

I hope she loves it there and finds all kinds of great memories.

An old friend

Today I got a Facebook friend request from a friend I met 18 years ago. He was a good guy. I worked with him for at least a dozen years.

Towards the end of that time he came out as transgender.

Life was difficult for him. I was the first person he told. I was also the first person who saw him dressed as a her for the first time (first of the company friends, and I don't think he had any outside friends).

I know it was because he knew he could trust me (I don't tell other peoples secrets ever).

As he returned to work as a she...she had a very tough time with people accepting her in her new image.

She left the company, we lost touch. For probably the last 6 or 7 years I haven't heard hide nor hair of her.

I was really happy to get her friend request. She looks like she's transitioned quite well as a female. She was quite male looking before and now there are only very small hints physically. I don't think anyone who didn't know her before would catch on easily.

I've seen firsthand how people can treat someone they've known for years like they've got something that might be catching, or look at them like a freak. To spurn them because of religous beliefs. It's heartbreaking because other than the wrappings they are exactly the same person. Exactly. The eyes, the windows to the soul is exactly the same.

A toast to her, a toast to old friends. I know some people can't handle that kind of change but I'm a richer person for knowing that from great struggle one can overcome that which looks insurmountable.

Reviews - out of this world

OMG, today I had my review. I am laughing so I won't just up and quit.

The Big Boss was never, ever on time for a meeting ever. She was always late. She finally decided to do something about it and turned over her calendaring to me. Her assistant could not do it, the Big Boss complained.

I took it over and very smartly added a reminder to my computer so I could put in a time when she needed to leave and when it popped up I'd get her to haul her butt to her meeting.

You'd think someone at her level could remember her meetings, eh? No, she cannot. Even tho I print her a calendar ever day.

For the last year I've been getting her to meetings on time. ON TIME. She listens to me too. She will cut short whatever conversation she is having to go. Because I stand there until she gets out the door.

Like a babysitter or a parent.

Today I got a More Than Satisfactory on my Work Approach. Because (as near as I can tell) there was a comment that I missed getting her to a few meetings recently. And yes, I forgot to tell her twice and twice I was busy on the phone and didn't hang up to get her to go to a meeting in our own dept. So about 4 times I missed getting her somewhere. Over 1 year of 6 meetings a day on average. That is over 1,600 times.

The other items were good remarks regarding my Work Approach. So how I got a More Than Satisfactory when it's taken super human strength to do my own job and get her out of the office on time is beyond me. She can't do it, my boss (who is her assistant) couldn't do it but I can and do. It seems petty to call out "a few times recently" in a review that is supposed to cover an entire year. The subjective instead of objective measurements is non-existant.

I got 3 More Than Satisfactory and 3 Exceptionals on my review. Nothing is measured, all of it is subjective. So the overall is More Than Satisfactory.

Ya know the jerky artist that works in my office? He got Exceptional. Why you ask? Because he's a good artist. WTF is that? He spends 1/3 of this time doing his own personal comics on work time, he screams at people - his interpersonal skills are horrible. But he gets an Exceptional overall because he's a good artist.

My boss got dinged because she gets personal phone calls on her cell. That is true. But her boss had spent DAYS on her personal fianances - she's refi-ing 2 homes and uses work time to talk to her banker. Not to mention she faxes docs to the bank, has had me do work on her documents for the bank and make copies of her husbands pharmacy receipts so she can file them with her accountant. So she has the balls to ding my boss for getting 2 minute calls.

I really, really have to get out of there.

Catching up with some video and things I made post

The other night at the party, the bday boy dragged the husband and Jules into his house to sing show tunes. Here are a few videos.

My husband sitting on the piano bench singing with Jules on piano. (and yes, there are drunken people singing along throughout all these videos)

Dang it, on this one my memory card got full right before the high note ending. And he hit it as well!





There was a room below ground that is right next to the pool. You can see swimmers swimming (sans heads, hahahah). This was a mistake video, so it's really short but you get the drift.

More catch up stuff.

This is the backside of the necklace focal piece I did for a friend. Materials: magnet, alcohol inks, paper, stamp, gel medium. I ended up not using both strands of ribbon. Next picture shows the front side and what I ended up using. Click the photo to see details. Sort of hard to see some of the detail on the second photo. I need to be a better photographer or take more time or something.



This shows the front side of the focal piece and the simplified version of what I used as the necklace. I had many strands of ribbon with different beads but I ended up liking a very simplied version for the person I was giving it to. Also shown is the hairpin lace scarf I made.

From riches to ahhh, temporary housing

What an adventure last night. We drove into LA to attend a birthday party for a friend. He works for a film company and lives in the Hollywood Hills.

He lives in this giant enclave. The owner of the film company lives in the larger house, he lives in the smaller house. They are not a couple (he's gay) but they are business partners and friends.

The owner of the film company was not there, but we did see inside her house. And we roamed the grounds. Beautiful. It's pretty incredible to see how the other side lives.

The party was filled with beautiful gay men. 20 men for every woman there. A lot of eyecandy.

We parked on the street below the house and walked up to a van to shuttle us up the hill. We had to be cleared by security both before we got into the van and once we were up the hill. It's a steep hill and would have been a hell of a walk. We arrive to the front gate which is lit up with teeny lights and there were tiki torches. 3 or 4 bars were scattered about the house. The pool was giant and one side was the deep side, the other shallow. The two sides were separated by a bridge you could walk over. He had giant paper lanterns strung all over the area surrounding the pool.

We were treated to a tour by the birthday boys mom (who we've known for 30 years). She showed us the wine cellar. Very cool. The wine cellar has windows that look into the pool. Not over the pool INTO the pool. So you could see people swimming in the pool sans heads. Ok, so there were no women in the pool just men. Some in speedos (too much information to see swimming) and in regular board shorts trunks.

We sat around the backside of the house where it was quieter (the dj was playing lots of loud dance music). The view of LA was breathtaking. We sat on a walled bench that had beautiful cushions and we stared right into the owners living room. I had one drink just to say I had a drink at the party.

We marveled that we were at this famous persons house. It was freaky to know someone as powerful, smart, driven had all of this at their disposal. They've earned it that is for sure, we discussed the "having" and "not having" of income like that.

The bday boy asked the hub and Jules to sing and play so they sat inside his house and played show tunes (mostly). A crowd gathered. He was hysterical sitting on top of the piano. The funniest thing was when he lost his balance and fell forward into the piano and the hub and our friend Victor caught him. I had to keep moving his drink so it didn't fall into the piano.

Sometimes it was funny to hear someone tell us things about the house. One guy told us things to show off how well he knew the bday boy and the house. We didn't tell him we'd know the birthday boy since he was 10. It was sort of a sad crackup listening to him stake his claim.

The bday boy was so sweet, he's always been sweet. He was sweet when we saw him a few weeks ago at the memorial. He was sweet to invite us to his party. And he was sweet enough to tell us how much he loved us...I think he has very fond memories of his childhood and the part we played in it.

We left at about 2 a.m. We'd been there since 8 p.m. Leaving a party at that time isn't the smartest thing we could have done. About 1/3 of the way home some jerk decided to change lanes and nearly ran into us. If it wasn't for me saying, "Look out that guy is coming over." and the hub slamming on the brakes he would have hit us between the side front passenger door and the front panel. Whew! Disaster averted for us.

But we weren't home yet.

We get home and the hub asks if I have my key. No, I didn't bring my keys because I didn't drive. Uh Oh. He left his house key for the daughter and it wasn't underneath the mat any more. We called her...she was just up the street spending the night with friends. No answer. The hub checked all the doors and windows. All locked. Tight. We called all 3 cells of the friends where the daughter was sleeping. No answer.

We called the son, no he does not have his key. Drat.

It's getting coolish and thank god I'd taken 2 towels with me in the car. I was wearing all white and I didn't want to get anything on me so I sat on a towel and used one to cover me in case I spilled the drink I took with me. So I wrapped myself in the towel, wearing it like a stole. Very attractive at 3 a.m.

at 3:30 I decided to walk to the girls house and wake them up to get the key. I woke them up and the daughter comes to the door and says she locked the keys in the house because nobody told her I might not have my keys. OMG. What is up with that?

The hub wanted to go to a hotel. It's 3:45 a.m. I wondered if it would be just as well to call a locksmith? Spend 150.00 to sleep for 2 or 3 hours and then end up having to call a locksmith too?

We decide to sleep in the car. Think about that...we come from a 10 million dollar house where there were no expenses spared for a party just to come home and have to sleep in our car like hobos.

I was cold, I slept fitfully. I think I woke up one time startled and sat straight up. I think I woke the husband up because he asked me if I was ok. It was still dark at that time. I woke up again later when it was light, I sat up and the hub was gone. I fell back asleep. At some point he came and said: "I'm in!" I don't even know which window he got open. I just stumbled into the house (leaving my glasses in the car) and fell asleep.

All in all it was a good adventure. I did ooooh and ahhhh but I don't think we looked all that provincial. I'm happy that the bday boy has done so well for himself, he's basically made it in a business that isn't easy to get into.

As soon as I get off my butt I'll upload photos and some videos. You'll see the drunken antics of a fun party. Glad I didn't drink so I remembered to take some videos, etc.

My day in LA

Today me and some girlfriends and one husband went to the Museum of Tolerance in LA. A very good museum. We also took a 12 yr old girl and a 13.5 yr old boy.

I don't often think of myself as a minority, although because I'm a product of a white father and a Japanese mother I am a minority, or at least I LOOK like a minority. I don't really look white. I don't particularly look Japanese either btw. I just look like I could be one of many different nationalities. Mexican, middle-eastern, Asian, iIndian, Mediterranean, etc.

I was always confused as a child because I was called names but I saw myself as exactly like my blue-eyed, blonde neighbors. HA, my dad was blue-eyed and blonde (errr, when he had hair, LOL).

I have a white friend who is getting more and more vocal about her distaste about Mexicans. She makes disparaging remarks about them, about how prevalent they are where we live. I don't know what she expects, we live in Southern California! They were here first for crying out loud. Our culture here is rich in hispanic culture. She mentioned that a friend of hers came back to town after being gone for 10 years and was shocked at how many Mexicans there were here and she said to us, "...And you know she is right! I want to move because there are so many of them nowadays."

I wish she would move. She thinks they are taking our jobs, taking over our neighborhoods.

But in all that she doesn't think she is racist.

Today we listened to a man who used to be a skinhead. He's renounced his past and works at the museum, educating people about racism. As I listened to him speak I realized that fear is the motivator, fear of something different. This same woman is deathly afraid muslims will take over the US, that somehow their birth rate is going to climb so high that everyone will be forced to practice their religion. She's so afraid.

I would urge every person to look at the person, the similarities and work from there. Knowledge is the key to understanding.

However, I'm not sure I'll ever understand why my friend is so afraid and why she can't see that her fear propagates fear and racism. Listening to her makes me feel ill. I don't think I can allow those kind of comments to go unchecked anymore.

The 13.5 yr old boy asked me a bunch of questions during our tour of the museum. He's 1/2 mexican (although he looks totally white), his father looks mexican tho. I don't think he's all that aware of racism because HIS parents are in a bi-racial marriage, his friends are of all nationalities and religious beliefs and he reminds me of me: thinking himself as just himself, not as a type that has a history assigned to him because of his ethnic background. It give me hope that he and his sister (as well as my own children) can, so far, see people instead of color. I hope they can see there are inequities in life and strive to educate that despite their ethnic background they do not fear different cultures and can help educate others who find out they ARE part of a different culture but are exactly like everyone else.

After the day at the museum we went to Canters, a famous Jewish deli. Yum. A huge meal, a fun time hanging out with my friends. Oh and btw, the husband did not go on this trip, he's been 3 times and he went to the beach to partake in a music festival.

Retail?

Ya know I'm on vacation right? You know I'm an hourly employee right?

Today I get a text from my boss who said the big boss heard from someone that my phone did not say I was on vacation. And that I didn't put an away message on my email. I actually did put an away message on my email but forgot to click the button to start it. The voicemail I didn't even think of because I rarely get my own phone calls.

She also mentioned that the big boss mentioned that nobody defrosted her small frig while she was on vacation.

I actually object to getting texts on whatever I did wrong while I'm on vacation. I was directed to set my email status and call in and change my voicemail. I did that.

I'm hoping someone mentions the defrosting of the fridge to me in my review. Because I am not the big bosses personal assistant to be doing her clean up work like that.

Yes, I'm cranky.

My friend at work tells me that I should do everything the boss tells me to do because eventually she'll see I'm valuable. Cleaning someone fridge has nothing to do with how valuable I am as an employee. It does show how menial my duties are tho, to the big boss.

Today I seriously thought about getting a job with Starbucks. It's a good company, I'd be with people, I'd be allowed to talk to people (it is frowned upon to speak to people at my work), I'd be busy much of the time (I am incredibly bored at my work). I'd have different days off, I'd be ok with working weekends. Holidays would be tough but I could do it. I've worked retail many times in my life, I could do it again.

I like the way Starbucks thinks (for the most part). It's not worried about whichever party is in power right now (where I work one must be politically correct to whatever party is in power) because they lobby for us). Starbucks fits my political beliefs more closely than where I work now.

I must ponder if I can afford to start off at a minimum wage job.

bored and driven to post meaningless nothing

The middle of the week, the middle of my vacation. I'm pretty bored. I finished the book, "Spin" and it was goooood. I couldn't stop reading it, it was that good. But now I'm not good because I'm out of reading material.

"cept on the web. But it's not like I can read a book on the web. I wish I had a Kindle. Then I could just purchase a book with a click of a button. It's not the same tho, but I sure would like the ease of getting a book right now when I want it. The price point for a Kindle is pretty steep, I'd never buy it for myself.

Ya know I don't ever buy anything that costs a lot of money, not for myself anyway. I've gotten ipods and other electronic stuff (like game consoles) for the family but other than buying a desktop I don't have any expensive toys. And the desktop is shared with the whole family (even tho I usually have the most amount of time on it).

Once I got an espresso machine. The best gift ever. I use it daily...errrr...multiple times a day. It's basically my diet.

Ok, I should go find something to do.

Alone

This week I am on vacation...such as it is. I've worked in the yard a bit. I knitted a headband to keep my ears warm when it actually gets cold again. I used leftover yarn and had just enough. I finished one book and am halfway through another one. Not a very exciting vacation but since I am so discouraged about work, it's ok.

I missed a bday party I wanted to go to on Saturday. Drat it all. Just as well, I had a headache.

Tonight the hub and daughter went to the movies. I didn't want to go, going to the movies is an ordeal to me. I actually don't like going to the movies. I know, *gasp*. I have weird eyes, I have this double vision problem and my eyes burn and tear if I sit watching something the same distance for a long time. A long time is 30 mins or so. So it's not a favorite thing for me to do. Plus I hate having things sprung on me. I'd rather have a bit of a plan, even if it's an hour beforehand. I think I need an hours notice.

I can't remember when I started not liking things sprung on me at the last moment. I didn't used to mind. But now I do. Today I read, I napped, I watered plants (see? trying to garden...I didn't like it much tho), I sat at the computer, and basically I lazed around. So I'm not dressed to go out and I'm hungry. Rushing around to do something just seemed like way more effort than I wanted to put out.

They went without me. I tried to bead...grrrr, I think I need a magnifying glass and I wished for sunlight to see by. I started to knit a scarf, nah, the forearm is twingy.

I ate dinner and contemplated the future. Sometimes I just need some alone time.

Stampington magazines, I can't shell out the money

I used to buy a lot of Stampington press magazines. I don't anymore. Too expensive. 14.99 for a magazine. I realize it comes out quarterly so it's not that much over a quarter but I can better justify smaller increments in my magazine habits. I must spend real money on novels to read...that take me far more time to digest than a magazine for almost twice the money.

The Internet is an interesting thing. A lot of the pieces shown in the magazines can easily be found on the Internet. The techniques aren't always on the webpages but I don't copy things that are in magazines, mostly I look at things for inspiration.

And it's free on the Internet. If the price was 10.00 I'd probably break down and buy one or two but 14.99 I can buy a book that will last longer.

True, Stampington Press uses great paper, good weight paper and card-stock covers. But it's still essentially a magazine and while I LOVE a good paper, I don't want to pay for paper when I'm paying for inspiration and eyecandy. On occasion, technique.

Sometimes the ideas are a bit whacky (I think). Where Women Create is one. Ummmm, frankly I don't care what your studio space or kitchen table looks like. I think it's a weird concept to look at someones space like that.

So what do I do? I look at the magazine, I don't read it there at the bookstore (lol, odd as it seems, it feels like stealing in my book) I glance at it and put it back on the shelf usually picking up 2 magazines like Beadwork, FiberArt, Cloth Paper Scissors. Magazines are always secondary to me over books. I'd rather buy 2 paperbacks to keep me entertained for the week over a large magazine I can read in an evening. Also, some of the articles shown in the quarterly are reprints of articles shown in the monthly mags. So I end up paying for it twice.

Basically the more I get for my hard-earned money the more likely I am to buy it.

Course if I ever get anything in one of the magazines I'd suggest everyone I know to go out and buy one, even tho it would not benefit me directly. LOL.

Can I turn into a gardener?

The husband and I are at a crossroads with the yard. He won't do anything about the yard and I can't lift heavy machinery or the decomposed granite I want put in to control the weeds and further growth. He won't do anything about the yard because we have dogs who poop in the yard. (and 2 of them dig). Well, the dogs have been here for 13 years, we've had a semi-ok yard all those years, it's just gone to hell since the gardener left. That and no water.

Hours pass since I wrote the above.

We borrowed a lawn mower. Ours is broken. It sat outside for the last week and a half. Today used it and mowed some of the weeds. There was a lot of dusty dirt flying around because most of our yard is dirt.

The mower isn't powerful enough to mow the portions near the 2 spigots, the grass is very dense. I had to tip the mower to come down on the grass instead of mowing forward. It worked although I had to keep tipping the front portion up so it wouldn't die.

I spent about 45 mins out there in the full sun...although it was 4:30 p.m. A little cooler than earlier today. I got more and more nauseous and figured I'd better come in and cool off. I took a shower, which didn't really help. I know better than be out in the sun for a long time, my autoimmune disease kicks into high gear if I'm out too long. I don't want to spend the rest of my vacation sleeping and having migraines.

I should be icing my arm but I'm typing instead.

Earlier today I ran some errands. I bought a succulent plant. It's Sedum nussbaumerianum. See it here, click. I understand it can grow in a 3 foot diameter. I came home and promptly planted it. The start of my succulent yard. It's fairly close to an area that seems to get some water from the spigot dripping. I checked on section but it was pretty boggy so it couldn't go there. The plant wants an area with good drainage. I'll have to see if the dirt is too wet there in the next couple of weeks. I'll move it if it doesn't do well. But for now I'm thinking I don't have to water it since the ground seems dry but somewhat moist. We'll see.

So I'm making a decision. If the husband won't do anything about the yard, I'll just do whatever I want. It will be slow, I don't have a lot of money to put into it. I'm thinking about getting some sage and lavender and some yellow daisy like flowers to put out there. I understand you can grow lavender from cuttings so I am going to try that.

How provincial am I? Very, I think

So this is fun/interesting/weird/exciting.

We got invited to a party in LA. The party is going to be at a very famous stars house. I can't even say who's house because that would be wrong.

The party theme is sort of a beach thing. I imagine there will be famous people there. I'm 99.9% the famous star will be there. It's not the stars birthday (like we'd get invited to some star's bday party!) But I believe there will be industry people there.

So I'm a little freaked out about what to wear. I know, how stupid is that? But still I think we'll stand out as the strangers, the oldsters there and I'd just as soon blend in so we don't look so, ah hmmm, provincial. I mean, how casual do you go? It's a beach party, but how beachy since it's not at the beach.

I hate to think I'll stare at everything around me, but I'm sure I will. I'm bringing a camera but I don't know the protocol for something like this. I totally feel like a fish out of water.

Weird.

homeless

Tonight I was homeless for an hour. The hub and daughter went to a movie, in my car, which uses my keys...although not the house key. But the house key is on my keyring.

I am not one who has different key rings for different things...I have one keyring. I am always confused by people who carry different key rings, like car keys on one, house keys on another and work keys on a third. I'd lose em or something.

I get a text from the hub's phone saying: We're at the movies. I do not know which of them texted me as the daughter lost her phone somewhere in the house yesterday. I wasn't sure if they were already IN the movie or were at the ticket booth. I noted the text but didn't think I needed to answer it.

Driving home with my carpooler I realized the husband might be at the movies. I texted him. No answser. We pulled into the driveway and there was no car indicating he was home. Since the daughter doesn't drive...my expert detective sense told me he was at the movies.

I got dropped off at the movies, I saw my car in the parking lot..all locked up and no way to get in and drive.

I checked the hubs few favorite spots (maybe he was waiting for the daughter to get out of the movies?) No dice.

I sat my butt on a bench, pulled out my crocheting and set in for a wait. Teen boys (obviously high) stopped to see what I was doing. "oh, man, cool." one said when I answered the question: "Ahhh, hey, what is that you're making?" Then they went off yelling hello to people sitting in the restaurant patio across the walkway. Very obnoxious, very teen.

It was an hour and 20 mins later when the hub called; he had no idea I'd texted him and when I told him I was sitting out there waiting for them...he asked me why I was out there. Ohhhhhh, your keys are in my pocket.

Ah yeah.

The good thing was I got a bunch done on the crochet. The bad thing is my forearm brace was at home. The good thing was I sat with nothing to do but sit there in the shade. The bad thing was the bench is metal and it felt like I had waffle butt. hahaha.

So even tho my daughter got mad at me (cuz I wanted to go home, she wanted to shop, I relented with a testy voice, she went but came back quick all cranky saying she wasn't in the mood to shop anymore) I was happy to have the break and happier still to have gotten home with some work done.

The Gare memorial

Yesterday was Gare's memorial. It was great fun to see everyone, mostly all musical theater people. His three boys were there and their wives and children. I saw people that I haven't seen in 20 years.

Listening to the tributes, I got a little teary-eyed. I didn't speak although I wanted to, I just hate speaking in public. After a while it got wild and lots of people told hugely funny stories about him. I laughed a lot.

I thought I'd link to a fun moment that came late in the evening. My husband and Julie went outside to rehearse something they haven't sung in about 20 years. Julie was a kid when they did Annie together. Now she's in her 30's, has 2 kids and is still a powerhouse singer. I love it that they kept in touch all these years.

Enjoy the video here.

Last nights doin's and today's doin's

I did finish the book: Naked by David Sedaris. Love him, love his view of the world. Go here, scroll down a little and listen to Sedaris read an excerpt taken from the chapter, "A plague of tics". Having my own slight case of OCD, this cracked me up.

Since I couldn't get my act together here at home we went to a local restaurant and had their 5.00 appetizer menu. It was good, sitting outside watching the walkers to go by while we discussed the book and what was going on in our lives. We saw the son (who'd been at the movies with some friends). We were out til a little after 11.

Later this afternoon we're going to a memorial party for my old boss who died back in May. It will be a fun time, I hope Gare knows how influential he was to all of us. Love him or hate him, he founded a group that still loves to see each other 30 years later. I can't wait to see who all shows up.

Over extended

ummm, I'm over-extended. I spend all day at work doing nothing, wanting something to do. I have book club tomorrow night and the house is less than clean, the yard is mid-picked up and I'm not finished with the book. I was relying on family to get it all done including mopping and vacuuming and picking up and all that. I thought it could get all done since they're all on vacation and I am not but I guess they're on vacation.

I've been wearing my elbow brace since I last weed-whacked (bad, bad idea) and I'm thinking about going to the ortho to see if he can figure out why the back upper part of my elbow hurts. (oh and in case you're wondering, the left elbow that I fell on a few days ago is almost fine feeling. It's just bruised). But my right (that I had surgery on) has something going on with it. In any case I can't lift anything heavy or it tweaks. And I am DEATHLY afraid of tearing something in there. I DO NOT want to deal with more pain.

Ok, so back to being over-extended. My friend Katherine is going to grad school in Chicago. I'm attempting to make her a scarf (So Cal vs Chicago weather!) and it's taking me much more time than I anticipated. So I'm doing that and then reading the book. Both need to be finished and it's a race against time. I am also planning on making her a collaged necklace but I just can't decide on how to finish it.

I'm tired, over-extended and just need to buckle down and get it done.

Can I get some kind of assignment here?

I've been at work since 8:30. The phone (for the entire office) has rung twice. No, wait, only once. My phone has rung once. So I've answered the phone twice today.

Crickets.

I have 1 thank you email because I sent my bosses availability to someone.
I have 1 email confirming a meeting
I have 1 email from a co-worker sharing a "OMG, can you believe this email train of crap".

All other emails I'm cc'd on but do not require any action.

I have 4 and a half hours to go. zzzzzzzzzzzzz

I keep checking my facebook. Usually someone is posting something. Nope,crickets there too. zzzzzzzzz

My facebook scrabble pals are either on vacation or only expect me to play at nighttime when I usually play so no games. zzzzzzzzzzz

There is no shopping around here, besides I have no money to shop with so it's moot. zzzzzzz

This post has taken me 5 mins to do and I'm bored with it. zzzzzzzzzzz

Boojiboo Flirty Apron GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Boojiboo Flirty Apron GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Darned cute aprons.

Musette Bracelet GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Musette Bracelet GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

I love this bracelet. LOL, I love this blog, going cruising now.

Furlough is a verb

I got an email from my friend Terri. Her husband is having to take 40 furlough days for the next year. Now her part-time job has "furloughed" her. Not just a few days off but she's being "furloughed" so her job can be given to the bosses son who lost his job. And to add insult to in jury she is supposed to train him for the next 2 weeks.

How ballsy, how rude to actually tell an employee they're being let go to hire a family member. She's a contract employee so there isn't anything she can do about it. No unemployment, no smart remarks. She basically has to just take it and be nice about it so if the son finds a different job her boss will rehire her (he says).

I guess "furloughed" is the new, improved way of saying laid off or fired without cause.

I can't seem to win

I swear I can't seem to win. Since it's gotten so hot I'm getting the nausea that plagued me all summer. After 5 mins in the heat I'm sick.

Today I'd go out for 45 mins at a time. I had to work in the full sun, no shade until after 4:30.

I planted some plants that I've been watering every day (because potted plants do not retain water) and I HATE potted plants that look all beautiful and green and then get all spindly and die from too much heat and not enough water.

Then I went in, cooled off (and the nausea goes away). Then back out again. I dragged a half cut up tree out of the path of the laundry room door (thats the way I take the dogs out so the I had to step in the tree remains every time.

Back into the house.

I moved some of the MIL's furniture that is sitting in the driveway...in my parking spot. I couldn't drag it into the barn. Too heavy and I cannot get into the barn, too much stuff. Besides it was too hot and I felt too badly to even try and move things in the barn.

I went to get gas and some ribbon at Joannes. Stopped at the gas station and as I was getting out of my car my feet (both of them) slipped out from under me and I jammed my elbow into the door. As my weight was flying backwards ALL of my weight was on that elbow when it hit. OMG. The pain was intense, I think I compressed a nerve because it hurt all the way down to the knuckles of the ring and middle fingers. Then I got really nauseous and thought I was gonna pass out. Sat there for 10 mins trying to compose myself and feel like I could even handle the gas pump hose.

Mind you this isn't my right elbow, the one I had surgery on...this is my LEFT elbow, the good one.

I drove home (husband must have been in the computer room because I didn't see him and he didn't call out to see who'd come home. I got a cold soda and kept it on my elbow so I could go get my ribbon. Took some Advil. Left the house.

I'm sure I looked funny with that cold soda in my lap and my left elbow crossed over so I could set it on the cold surface.

I came home, raked up dog shit and came inside to rant and rave on my blog. I need to ice it. Raking and shoveling already stresses my right surgery elbow, now my left is all F'd up (at least for today, I pray it's not going to cause me trouble).

It's been about 2 hours and it still hurts.

It just seems like I can't win. Last summer I got tested for MS because of all the health problems I had. Heat intolerance, double vision, blurry vision, neausea, the coordination problems (I've always been very, very coordinated). And the hotter it gets the more those things are showing up again. I seem to have wacky tendon problems, and if I push them I'm gonna end up being crippled. The cooler weather stopped all weird activity, but now it's back and now I can see I have some kind of reaction to heat. I wish the docs could tell me why and what it is so I can count on feeling ok instead of feeling terrible the whole summer.

Art inside

Given my last post ranting about "temperamental" artists I thought I'd write a little about a book I bought this last weekend. Art & Fear: Observations On the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking by David Bayles, Ted Orland

I read about it on Susan Hinckley's blog Small Works In Wool. btw, Susan has quite a few good book recommendations in her blog.

It's not a How To book and it's not a workbook/guidance book like
The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron

It's more about the process of art and the development (or lack thereof) of making art: all art, all fields of art. Chapters include: Fear about yourself, fear about others, the outside world, the conceptual world amongst others.

One of my favorite quotes: ”To all viewers but yourself, what matters is the product: the finished artwork. To you, and you alone, what matters is the process.” Art and Fear, page 5.

For me, it is the process. Given the number of things I do and the number of things I discard it's ALL the process.

I was in the midst of the book when I had the exchange about "temperamental" artists and when I picked the book up afterwards I had my friend and her view of artists (and I admit her implied "what are artist is not" (the feeling that she considers only getting paid as a mark of an artist) as a factor in what I read and how I disseminated the information.

The chapter: Conceptual Worlds was my favorite of all the chapters. Maybe because of the exchange, maybe because for me that is the part that I struggle with, to give voice to...in a way that is meaningful to me. To allow that to come thru.

"...it's apparent all art is autobiographical." page 107

"Making art depends upon noticing things -- things about yourself, you methods, your subject matter. Sooner or later, for instance, every visual artist notices the relationship of the line to the pictures' edge. Before that moment the relationship does not exist; afterwards it's impossible to imagine it not existing. And from that moment on every new line talks back and forth with the picture's edge. People who have not yet made this small leap do not see the same picture as those who have -- in fact, conceptually speaking, they do not even live in the same world." page 109

I can see that autobiographical aspect in my own work, I can see where strict made up rules (in my own mind) restrains me and I see dissatisfaction. I can see where I let loose and I feel satisfaction in the finished piece. I can also see why someone might think an artist is being "temperamental" because what is "right" to the artist because of it's autobiographical nature but is **wrong** to someone who doesn't understand the nature of the piece can be viewed as difficult. (hahaha, editorial comment: It still doesn't make them an temperamental jerk because someone else can't see what is clearly there for the artist). The guy in the previous post can be a jerk because he's just plain rude most of the time, not because of his art.

I highly recommend this book. It's a slim volume but it's packed full of wisdom and realizations on paper.

Necessary qualifier

I have to admit, for the most part (that qualifier is necessary) I detest blanket statements.

I have a friend who has been very irritated with another friend's husband for making a blanket statement about "Mexicans". He complained about "them" and my friend took issue. Because her husband is Mexican. Her children are half Mexican. I've listened to her rail against this couple because of his errant comment. I tell her she should tell her friend that she doesn't appreciate the comments because while they may not think of her husband as "Mexican" (he looks hispanic but he has no accent) he is and that is the culture he grew up in and it's a part of him and his kids. But she won't.

So this morning we're discussing this guy in the office. He can be a jerk. And he just happens to be a graphic artist in our dept. Mostly he cleans up images, he does not do any original art for us. He DOES draw comics in his spare time (as well as during work hours but we won't talk about that.) It's sort of enough to know he's constantly complaining and raises his voice. One time he screamed at me not to ever tell him to be quiet, he's be as loud as he wanted to and nobody could tell him differently. This because everyones' screaming and yelling was unprofessional and I asked the entire room to calm down.

Ok, so the scene is set. My friend says to me..."Well, that's just how artists are, they're temperamental."

No, I don't agree. I don't think you can apply a blanket statement like that. She disagrees and says I have worked with a lot of artists (and she has worked with some) and they are all temperamental, they're always difficult to work with.

I tell her I consider myself an artist and I'm not temperamental. She agrees I'm not temperamental but everyone she's worked with AS an artist is temperamental. She's never worked with me AS an artist so I don't fit her statement but she cannot understand that if she has caveats then her blanket statement cannot be true. She states everyone she is talking about is MAKING A LIVING being an artist so they think their shit doesn't stink so that's why they're such assholes.

I told her I know lots of artists and they aren't temperamental. She countered with "thats because you don't work with them! And she told me, "That's why they say artists are temperamental!"

What I got out of the exchange was:
1. She doesn't think I'm an artist (or that only working artists are truly artists)
2. Some groups of people deserve labels because her experience is always true for all people.
3. She has no idea what the hell she is talking about.

I can't believe she couldn't see my point, I gave up and stopped talking because if I didn't I was going to get mad. Ok, madder.

Inertia

Inertia: Inertia is the name for the tendency of an object in motion to remain in motion, or an object at rest to remain at rest, unless acted upon by a force.

That defines my household.

That said here is my list of things that need to be done (and I'd best get started):

Pick up every thing in the yard that isn't planted and toss it. Sweep up every bit of junk and get rid of it. There is a spilled bag of redwood chips that has been there for I don't know how long. Mow the weeds down to dirt.

Get bins to pack away all my craft stuff. Pack away craft stuff.

Toss all my books.

Beach choo choo

It's been blazing hot here. 104, 105 somewhere in there. So hot that the air conditioner can't really keep the house cool. It's also humid which is odd for this area. We're desert and usually it's pretty dry.

So when the beach train offered a special 29.00 for 4 people we (our pals plus kids) decided we'd all go. It turns out there were 27 of us all told. Our kids all brought pals with them. It used to be that we'd be 3 families and about 13 or 14 of us. But with all of their pals, it's grown huge. My son came with 3 of his friends. My daughter brough 3 and they brought their little 10 year old sister.

It's a long day. We left the house at 7:10, got our tickets (wild trying to get all the tickets coordinated) and then got on the train at 7:50. Got to the beach by 10 and left at 4:30.

There are many stops, we didn't get back to town til 7 p.m. Tired, dirty and hungry. We brought food but our group wanted something else.

I didn't want to go, I wasn't really hungry and I have to work in the morning...I really need a shower. So we ran, got burritos and came home.

All in all a very relaxing day sitting in my chair with a big umbrella, feet hidden under a towel reading my book. I wanted to nap but didn't. Some of the kids didn't bring food so I gave my son some money and they went and bought some. Silly kids.

The beach was nice and empty when we got there but soon it was packed to the gills. I'm glad I'm home. A shower will be good. See ya later.

SNAFU rant

Defination of Snafu: Situation Normal, all fucked up.

Let me put this in perspective.

I make 40k less than directors in my office. 40 thousand. The director (who I will talk about) has 5 direct reports. I am not one of them. This director reports directly to a Vice Chancellor (yes, I work in academia).

I work in this office as an admin. I am the lowest level employee in our dept.

I used to be in management at a Fortune 500 company. I had 33 direct reports. I reported directly to a Vice President. Despite my current job title I have a lot of management experience. It can be a humbling experience to be in a low level position, it can also be very frustrating to make small money yet be expected to do some level of work that I'm not paid to do when there are people who should be making decisions and/or doing higher level work but don't. That said, I have the most amount of management experience over the 3 directors. I only have less than the Vice Chancellor the director reports to.

Today was a perfect example.

10 of us got an email from an admin in another dept telling us a meeting that was scheduled for next Wed needed to be canceled and rescheduled. No reason was given. As a participant but not a leader at this meeting I noted the cancellation but that was it. I am not required to do anything other than let them know my availability when it's rescheduled.

The director (who, once again I will remind you makes 40 thousand more dollars a year than I do) calls me on the phone. She says:

Director: So did you see that email canceling that meeting on Wed?
Me: Yes, I saw it.
Director: Well, do you think it's appropriate if I respond to that email asking why it's being canceled?
Me (thinking to myself) Why the F would she be asking me to tell her what she should be doing? This is not my job to tell her whether she should respond to an ADMIN or not. I verbally replied with: Yes, I think it's appropriate.

Now really, why does the university pay someone 40 thousand dollars more than me who cannot decide whether it's appropriate to ask why a meeting was canceled? Why have I been told I will not be interviewed for a low level job (but higher than my current job) if I can give direction to a DIRECTOR? What is wrong with her than she could not make this simple decision? If she worked for me and she did the things I've seen I'd be laying her off in a minute. She is dead weight.

I am spitting mad.

Just a few photos from Friday

It's about a hundred degrees here today. Good thing the husband bought a new air filter for the air conditioner. It was working it's tail off and nary a lick of cool air. Now it gets downright chilly in here.

My knee has been bothering me since the night we returned from the aquarium. A lot of walking and I even wore my knee brace. Here we are, the girls - waiting for our stragglers. The husband actually took this pic.



This is the daughter feeding a lorakeet. The aquarium had some birds; a cockatiel and a lorakeet enclosure.



A close up of a lorakeet.



As you can see I'm not a very good indoor or in the dark photographer. I need to learn how to speed up the shutter speed.



These were some huge crab.



A sea lion.



Some kind of sea anemone



The daughter riding a motorcycle. Daring isn't she?



The BIL slowing the bike down.



Hard to tell here but the daughter and the BIL were dancing moments before I snapped the photo.



As you can tell I don't have a lot of good photos. I'm an inattentive photog at best. I know I got a couple of good photos of the other BIL and a lorakeet but those are on a different camera and the daughter needs to upload them.

Long Beach Aquarium with the family

We ended up at the Long Beach Aquarium. There were about a million kids outside in little groups, each sporting different color tee shirts. It was some kind of day camp activity.

Good thing we got there mid-morning and then had to wait for the other car to arrive.

I don't know how this worked but we left about 30 - 35 mins after the other car. But we arrived 15 mins earlier than they did. I know they stopped for coffee and I think gas, but we also stopped for coffee. We were in phone contact and I knew when they got off the freeway. But they didn't arrive.

They finally figured out they were at the Long Beach Convention Center, it's 1.4 miles away from where we were. They had to pee, they walked into the convention center and there was a spanish speaking only Jehovah's Witnesses convention inside. They were not allowed to use the restrooms.

They sweet-talked their way out of the 10.00 per car parking lot and finally made it to the right parking lot and location. They were hot and sweaty as they tried to find the aquarium by walking first.

I really liked the aquarium, it's better than Scripps. The husband didn't like the aquarium, I'm not sure why. LB has far more exhibits (even tho you see the same fish, but you really can't expect to see different fish) and there are quite a few hands on exhibits. Large ones. The shark/sting ray pool is quite large. There is also a little place for small children to get wet with a water playground.

After the aquarium we walked around the marina to Shoreline Village.



It was a beautiful afternoon. We ate inside at the Yard House. I think we'd had enough of being outside in the sun. The food was great, we got 1/2 price appetizers (at least the girls did) and that helped keep costs down. The appetizers were huge too. Way enough for a second meal. I brought 1/2 of my Thai Pizza home and that was after giving my BIL a slice too.

Then we drove home. Traffic wasn't that bad, athough we did have a report it was (and probably was at the time she was driving the freeway).

We met again at the coffee place and sat and chatted til it was time for us to go home. We traded hugs and I love you's to the SIL and BIL. It was so good to have them here. I want them to find a church out here and come home to live. The BIL can minister here, I'd tell him we need it more here than PA needs it if it would get them back home.

All in all a very good week with them. I wish the MIL could have enjoyed it with us, but she did if you think about her kids handing down her legacy.

Balancing money, family and fun

The PA family leaves tomorrow, so today we're going to go do something. Not sure what yet as everyone has different ideas about what is fun or worthwhile.

I want to do something different and my initial thought was the Huntington Gardens, but as I warned - the kids would probably hate that. And sure enough the daughter (likely the only one of the kids who'll be there) told me she was going to stay home if we went there. *sigh* so now I have to make sure I represent her as she probably won't speak up to the others, she'll just not go.

I looked up free or nearly free things to do in 3 counties. Not a lot do do during the day and I won't want to spend a lot of money. We have 3, maybe 4 going so we'd be spending a whole lot more than everyone else. I wouldn't worry so much but my pay is going to be cut starting next month so I have to worry about what money we're spending.

My ideas were: Farmers Market, Olvera St, Chinatown, MOMA, the Grammy Museum, the gardens. Prices range from free to 15.00 per person.

Not sure what we'll end up doing so I'll report later the end result.

As the husband pointed out, the decision should be the PA folks, we can go anytime but they're not able to do that. So whatever they decide I'll go with that.

The family gathers and laughs

I don't generally use peoples names in my blog but I'll post photos. Here are the 5 cousins. Mine are the 2nd boy and the last girl. The other 3 belong to my SIL from PA. They are Mike (19), Leems (20), Lola (19), Em (21) and Zozo (17). Click each photo to see detail!



This one is of my son's girlfriend and my son over on the right. They are both 20.



This is the whole clan. You'll notice I look like I'm missing a finger but no I am not. My son wouldn't smile so I poked my finger into his armpit and he smiled. hahaha, mothers have their ways.



These last three of of the three girl cousins, mine is on the left. She's 17, then there is Lola who is 20 and Em who is 21. Goofy girls.







Tues night we met for ice cream at a local shopping hotspot. We are a crowd when we go out. We laughed (there are way more pics and pretty much everyone is laughing and cutting up) alot. I don't know why we didn't all try and get a pic of all of us in our finery the say of the memorial but whatever, we got a casual photo in front of the movie theater. bwhahahaha.

The interment

On Tuesday the adults; me, the husband, his brother, sister and her husband did the interment at the cemetery. None of the kids were there.

It was a hot sunny day. Just 3 cars following the limo containing her ashes, it was pretty casual. Just like our family; casual. It was a nice comparison to the hustle and bustle of the previous day when there were so many people at her memorial. It was a good choice that the family made not to have the whole kit and caboodle (where does that term come from anyway? Click here) drive all the way out there just to drive back to the fellowship hall for the reception (is reception the right word?).

The MIL is right next to her husband Chuck. The siblings lowered the green bag containing her ashes into the ground and threw dirt on top.



The kind of scarecrowy grave digger shoveled in the rest of the dirt and put the divot of grass back on top and then smooshed it down with a heavy smoosher/packer thing. It's kind of funny how I cut off the head of the scarecrowy man in that photo.

And then we sat in the shade of a tree and talked.



We decided to visit my parents grave site. We drove around the lake, parked and went searching. Dave found it first. My parents are in 2 separate plots as they were buried rather than cremated. You've got a nice view of the lake standing there at their site.

Ducks came over to visit while we were there.



We left the cemetery and drove to get some lunch. We sat and talked and talked and yep, talked some more. It was nice, it was fun, it was easy. We stayed for about 3 hours I think. The staff at the restaurant just let us hang out there (we were the only people there practically) but still they had no idea what our previous days were like or what we'd just done, they were just nice enough to let us camp there for hours.

I left with a huge sense of family, of fellowship, of love. It's so amazing to me how well we get along. I couldn't have asked for a nicer family that is for sure.

xo Jean, thank you.

Blessings

Yesterday was the memorial. It was a happy memorial for the most part. The kidlets were great, 4 of the 5 grandchildren did eulogies. My eldest used his radio voice and spoke clearly, Lola was emotional and poignant in her remembrances, my youngest started off with a shaky voice but left them laughing at the end of hers, Em cried at the beginning and strengthened at the end. I cried tears for their bravery and sorrow as they read. The 5th grandchild sat next to me during the eulogies and while he didn't speak we know how he feels. He's a quiet sort unless he is in his element. Memorials aren't necessarily in either of our comfort zones as far as speaking.

The entire family got up and sang "I Shall Be Released". I've never been to a funeral where the family gets up and sings but it was totally right for us to do it. We were like the Von Trapp family...only fatter and grayer and not quite as cute. But we were loud. :-) The husband played uke, the son played guitar. We're a musical theater/music family. Oh we don't all sing professionally but we've all been onstage singing in our lives. It comes from the MIL I think.

The MIL had a VOICE. Not just a good singing voice but a fantastic singing voice. I'd always heard she did but until you hear her, you have no idea. Luckily the family has a 78 that she recorded when she was about 17 or 18. She sings the irish song: "Loch Lomond " and a Puccini aria. It was played at the beginning and end of the service.

Pastor Dave (my BIL who is married to my husbands sister) sang The Lords Prayer a cappella. Beautiful. He also spoke about the MIL, my only wish is that I'd thought of asking him to include some words from me. But the truth is everything that everyone said up there could have come from any of our mouths. So I am content.

We got a lot of comments about the music. For some reason some people had no idea that most of the family sings. My son got a lot of comments because most everyone there had never heard him sing or speak publically. My daughter too for her eulogy. The other kids probably got comments but they were probably told to their mother.

The church was pretty full, almost to the rafters. While we were singing we got to see everyone who was there that was pretty cool.

Afterwards the fellowship hall was filled and it took a long time for people to get inside out of the blazing sun. A lot of relatives, a lot of friends, both hers and ours.

I was really proud that our friends and family got to see how it is with our family. We are danged close which I think is a rarity these days. It's really a testimony about my MIL and FIL, the importance they put on family. I hope my kids realize what they have, parents, aunts, uncles and cousins that are exactly in the same groove as we are. We are blessed.