My lesson

Ach, it can be difficult to have a kidlet turn 18.  Mostly it's good, seeing them grow up and be the glimmer of the adult that is emerging.  But with all change there is some struggle.

The other night the daughter had a snit and got into it with her dad.  Because she wanted to do something, he said no and they argued.

Now they are not talking.  He's not happy with her, she's not happy with him.  I'm stuck in the middle.  Or off to the side.  

It's bittersweet to watch the dynamics of a young woman trying to be independent.  So many worries, so many memories of her being small and dependent and so wanting her to be safe and make good choices.

You know they are "getting it" when they learn how to deal with people's personalities and figure out how to negotiate with others.  I think the biggest issue is using brute force to try and control another. 

When you learn that you're learning how to be a grown up.  Figuratively pushing and shoving for position just ends up making someone feel badly and worse, lesser.

So teach your children to negotiate, learn how to negotiate yourself with others and leave the verbal pushing, the emotional shoving in adolescence.