shaped slowly: 2009

Yesterday T's celebration of life in Los Angeles at a Buddhist temple. Very moving, very fun (in a weird sort of way) and then dinner on Sunset and a party at a movie/tv producers house in the hills of Hollywood.

Left at noon, got home around 1:30 a.m. Suffered some kind of allergy attack where my eyes were all dry and wiggy. Could not focus my eyes. Luckily it happened late, late, late in the evening but by the time we neared home my nose was running and full of snot.

The party was very fun, very gay, very loud and very friendly. Freaky to be at this house, this party - something that I never imagined I'd do in my life.

Today a annual party at Susan's house. The 19th annual party. The babies have grown into adults, some of the used to be children now have children. Luckily for me, neither of mine have kids yet (at only 20 and 18 that can wait a few years at least). Some of their friends enjoyed the party (the entire party which lasted 8 hours) and it was great fun to see those kids who we've known since they were all about 7 years old be functioning adults.

3 big functions in 24 hours. I'm pooped.

I had to go to Staples today. To get tapes so I can video tape the memorial tomorrow. T's mom asked me if I could find a camera. I did, so now I am responsible for getting it done for her. I wish I didn't have to do it, cuz I'm no camera man (and the camera I got is high end) so I really don't want to mess it up because I don't know what I'm doing.

Anyway, as I was wandering around I saw some Wacom tablets. I WANT one. I work on graphics every day. I'm ok, I'm not great but I totally, 100% enjoy doing it. It relaxes me, it keeps me creative and my designs are getting better.

So if I had a lotta money I'd buy this Cintiq. But really I'd be just as happy with this one at half the price (only $999.00 hahahaha).

Ok, so that is just a dream and we know how dreams are right? It seems like it's real and then you wake up and it's all gone.

I'd take the Intuos4. In a minute I'd take it. The medium size costs about $350.00. The medium one is just slightly smaller than my current, reallllly old tablet. It's this one here, click this link. It was discontinued in 2001, so yeah, it's 8 years old. Yes, it still works and I still love it but I really, really want an upgrade.

I would so take this one too. It's only 166.70 on Amazon. The Bamboo Fun (the large size). Click here. To see the price you have to add to cart and then the price shows up. Don't be fooled by the other Bamboo's. They might be cheaper but they don't have the functionality. Besides the pen is extra and ya need the pen to do graphics.

More technology that I want. The Droid phone. But the problem with the phone is I have to have internet and that would add quite a bit to my cell phone bill and I can't afford it. I already pay for one connection and it's killing me in terms of paying my bill. So I want it but I don't want to pay for a monthly charge. I'm totally addicted to my computer but am not addicted to phones. Sadly I could be addicted but I can't let myself since my budget is so tight.

So there it is, I want technology cuz I NEVER get technology. Well, except for the things I buy myself (which as you can see has been years...can you believe I'm still using an 8 year old tablet?)

Which of these 2 fabric designs do you like better? The stylized kitties or the lions, tigers and bears below?

Poor abandoned blog.

I've been sort of busy, a lot of social things lately.

The daughter turned 18 on Dec. 8th - so far no tattoo. But she also just got paid. We got her a Disney annual pass. She was happy about that. We also went to dinner with our friends who's sons were born on Dec 7th and 8th.

Me and 3 friends went to one of the Christmas shows that Ellen does. We got: this printer (it's pretty cool). The KitchenAid stand mixer (in pistachio). The VIZIO 23 inch Razor LED HDTV, finally a tv that I can watch. A 100.00 QVC gift certificate. A small Olympus digital camera, the Invictus soundtrack, the Blueray and regular dvd box set of Harry Potter. A Zhu Zhu (some kind of "hot" toy that's a motorized hamster). Way fun day. It rained like the dickens all day long too. But we didn't care a whit. Btw, Ellen is really pretty and very thin.

Last night I went out and met with some friends (some of whom I haven't seen in 30 years). LOL, most of them. I worked with all of them (but one who came after I quit) and it was pretty fun. They are: animators, business men, directors of non-profits, and teachers, oh and a hairdresser too. I drank a martini (wheeee, she parties like a big dog!). One of the guys picked up the tab for all of us (who were still there). Yowie. A big tab.

Friday night I went to the daughters choir concert. They were good and I was oh, so happy that it lasted just under an hour. Makes me so appreciate her being in a college choir instead of that danged HS choir where we sat for over 2 hours at each of her concerts.

I've also been doing some graphic work:

This one for the daughters birthday. For her FB.

This one for a possible fabric design. Maybe. Not sure about it.

I've got others but they are all in their native format because I haven't finished them.

Ok, this was a long post for me so now I am going to bed! G'night!

I do not have my car tonight. I realize I rarely go anywhere but when I've got things to do I want to be able to do them.

I cannot do them tomorrow I'm in LA all day and evening. It the daughters 18th birthday on Tuesday and I don't have my car to go buy her other present.

The husband will have to do it. He tells me not to stress it so I'm not, I'm giving it to him to stress over.

I made these little kitties to use as a repeat pattern. Love the kitties, don't love the placement.

And here is what it looks like tiled.

Ach, it can be difficult to have a kidlet turn 18. Mostly it's good, seeing them grow up and be the glimmer of the adult that is emerging. But with all change there is some struggle.

The other night the daughter had a snit and got into it with her dad. Because she wanted to do something, he said no and they argued.

Now they are not talking. He's not happy with her, she's not happy with him. I'm stuck in the middle. Or off to the side.

It's bittersweet to watch the dynamics of a young woman trying to be independent. So many worries, so many memories of her being small and dependent and so wanting her to be safe and make good choices.

You know they are "getting it" when they learn how to deal with people's personalities and figure out how to negotiate with others. I think the biggest issue is using brute force to try and control another.

When you learn that you're learning how to be a grown up. Figuratively pushing and shoving for position just ends up making someone feel badly and worse, lesser.

So teach your children to negotiate, learn how to negotiate yourself with others and leave the verbal pushing, the emotional shoving in adolescence.

So in the Spoonflower calendar contest I came in 2nd. So close but so far! I'm happy about 2nd, I liked my design and I really like the winner's design as well. Both of us went with birds, she did far more birds than I did.

Go here to see all the entries. Mine is calendar by vo with 413 votes.

I know it's not quite Thanksgiving yet. But today I had a lot of grateful moments. I was grateful that I didn't rush, rush, rush to work. I was late and I did it on purpose and didn't freak out (like I usually do because I HATE to be late for anything).

I was thankful because one girl brought in a ton of homemade biscuits and gravy and jam and 2 different kinds of butter and we ate in a big group of chatting, laughing, reminiscing humans. We were a light crew today, maybe 8 of us in the office. The officemate did a great service for all of us.

A note about this officemate. She is a mom of one of the kids who works with the athletics dept of a local high school. Every week during the season she delivers a boatload of food to the team (from a local restaurant). After they've eaten she used to bring the leftover food over to my house and put it in our mailbox. So for about 6 wks once a week we had great food delivered right to our house at no cost to us. She ate with the team and since she is on weight watchers she didn't want the leftovers at her house. How generous of her right? I am very thankful for her thinking of me.

I'm thankful for the rest of my officemates. Even the ones that make me crazy. I was very thankful that today only 1 person was in the office who makes me crazy (the other one was off) and today she was ok. Maybe it was because I got her to do something outside her comfort zone (because it was the right thing to do) and she did it and got many thank you's from her direct reports. It was nice to see her direct reports happy today.

I'm thankful that my husband got me coffee at the store. Heck, I'm happy he goes to the store on a regular basis since I don't like going to the grocery store. Now if only he ate food that was more to my liking. bhwhahaha.

I'm thankful for both of my kids; tonight we three hung out in the kitchen chatting and that was really good. It does happen more than just tonight, I just had lots of big love and thankfulness for them tonight.

I thought alot about T today. How I have a lot of friends from a lot of different times in my life and his dying right now has crystalized how much people mean to me. Yes, even the crazed people. They give me something to compare and contrast against. I don't always come out on top if I'm truthful but the times I realize I've erred are times to be thankful for.

More tomorrow.

T died today. Around 3 p.m. His mom called me.

I miss him. It's hard to believe he called me on Sept 5th telling me he'd lost the ability to walk. In the 6th he found he had melanoma tumors everywhere.

He declined from there.

Less than 3 months from dx to passing.

I wish I'd lived closer to him. As much as it's a difficult thing, the true blessing is he's not in pain anymore. He was a good friend and that is the biggest blessing.

T - be easy.

Ye gawds I was nearly in an accident coming home from work. I'm tooling along minding my own business in the right hand lane.

There is an intersection by the big hospital that is always a mess this time of night. The left turn lane always gets filled too fast so cars in the left lane get blocked from going forward to the light.

So tooling along in the right lane where it is totally clear I see this van that realizes it's stuck in the line with all the cars wanting to turn left. Surely the driver sees me, my lights are on, it's fully dark and the second I came up to his back quarter panel he starts to move into my lane to get around the car in front of him.

I LAID on my horn. Blasted him loudly. He slammed on his brakes fast...but still he was into my lane over a foot. The right hand lane people have nowhere to go because there is a curb right there, no driveway. Good thing my car is thin enough and I'm a good enough driver to pull right but still not hit the curb.

He came within inches of hitting my front left panel and door. The good thing is he didn't move once I passed and the three cars behind me went around him since he was not legal and we were.

Sheesh.

Today is weird that I feel sick, like feverish but I don't have a fever. I dunno. Weird. I'm also experiencing restless leg which I haven't had in years.

Did I mention I went to the neuro and no MS? If I haven't well, yay for me, no MS.

Did I mention that I scheduled my deviated septum surgery? Jan 25th. I have almost a complete blockage within the right side and significant blockage on the left. The right is due to the deviated septum, the left has significant swelling of the turbinates. So yes, I am having turbinate surgery along with the septum fix.

He doesn't use packing so I am very happy about that. He uses splints. Still will be uncomfortable but I won't have to feel that horrible unpacking feeling everyone tells me about. Ick.

We got our tickets to see the Ellen show...we're going during the 12 days of Christmas giveaway tapings. Yahoooooo.

That's the news o the week.

Well, we've had another weird thing happen at work. The staff meeting was horrible. Positively negative all around. (love that alliteration!)

First we're told nobody will ever get a Exceeds Expectations as an overall ever again. I look around the room and I see out of 20+ people 3 people got EE. One of them was the violent man. Hmmmm, how did he get such high marks for interpersonal skills when he is such a verbally nasty man to work with? Hmmmmm? The Big Boss tells us the boss above her was appalled at so many people pushing back on their reviews. Interesting comment since we are allowed to write anything we want on our reviews if we don't agree with the comments. It means nothing to push back.

The next topic was to tell the entire group that for now on all of us must look at the 3 supervisors as extensions of her. If they tell you to do something, just do it. Management believes in their abilities and we must obey them. You must do what they say even if they are not your direct supervisor. We can question but if they still want us to do what they told us to do we must obey.

Yes, the word obey was used quite a few times. Along with the word "must".

The staff is in an uproar, everyone is mocking her behind her back...also the supervisors for needing their mommy to reprimand the children.

There has to be a different job available to me somewhere. The atmosphere there is like a staph infection.

The husband and the daughter went to the store (actually a couple of them). They got some groceries. Maybe 6 bags of groceries and some sodas.

My husband usually gets groceries and he puts away the frig stuff but leaves stuff in the bags and they sit on the floor. Why he does this is beyond me. If a bag is left on the floor long enough someone will come by and drop trash into it.

We don't have a recycle bin, just paper bags sitting out on the floor awaiting paper trash. You see how things can get confusing if there is a bag sitting out. I'm pretty sure over the years something perfectly good has been tossed out.

I guess he thinks if he bought it someone else should put it away. I don't really know, that's a guess. Read on for clarification.

I go to the store, I put everything away.

When the two got home from the store the hub brought in one paper bag from Trader Joes. The daughter brought all the other bags in plastic bags (all 5 hung on her arm). The both put their bags on the ground.

She asks her dad to go out and get the 2 twelve packs of sodas out of the car. He says No. She says "Would you please? I brought all of these bags in (points to the 5 bags) and you only brought 1 inside. " "No, I brought in MY stuff and nothing in those bags belong to me" he says. "Some of that is yours!" says the daughter. "Show me, show me what is mine in there!, says the husband.

I am listening to this and am amazed that 2 people are actually having this discussion. One fully functioning adult and one soon to be an adult in less than a month.

I told them I could not believe what I was hearing...OMG. I guess the husband heard what I meant because he went out and got the sodas out of the car.

I really, really hope when I have and exchange that doinky that I hear myself and do an about face.

I've been semi-without a computer lately. My one year old pc blew the power unit. I slid under the wire with the warranty and sent it in to be replaced just 2 weeks before the warranty expired.

I hooked up my old pc - OMG it's like crawling instead of running. You could have a birthday waiting for anything to load on that puppy.

I have a second computer that I THOUGHT was broken. It was given to me and lo and behold the sucker is pretty clean and hardly has anything on it. I cannot believe it was given to me. It's a Gateway - Pentium 4.

So I hooked it up and today started loading it with software. My graphics program (I heart that the bestest) and ding dang it if doesn't have a 9 pin port so i can use my Wacom tablet again! Ye haw, drawing graphics will be so much faster and easier.

So now what I want is to clear a space over there --------> on that desk against the other wall so I can put this one over there and the one I bought last year can go here. All I need is a big flat screen monitor.

Of course I'd also like to get PhotoImpact 13 software and a new Wacom tablet. But since I know I can't afford those things I have to make do with this old stuff.

I also hooked up the printer and realized I didn't have the software. XP won't just recognize the printer without the software. My Vista pc did tho (at least I think it did, I don't remember installing it). So off I went looking for the install file and drivers.

I found this on one page and it made me laugh out loud: "Please confirm your driver selection!! If the wrong driver was downloaded and installed, The installed driver may cause your cmoputer problems."

Oh yes, apparently if you install the wrong driver you'll have spelling problems. bwhahahaahaha. I did not download from that site. Figured if they had typos they might also make mistakes with their files. No cmoputer problems for me!

I talked to T tonight. He's barely conscious. I told him some things...it's your birthday (he said, "I know"), that I loved him (me too) and told him it would be ok, if he were tired he could go to sleep. That wherever he is I will be thinking of him. That he made an impact on me from that very first day I called him to come in for an interview.

I hate that he is dying and I won't see him again. I thought of him today as I stood in the kitchen at work. I missed seeing him sitting at the table eating his lunch, cracking sarcastic wit at me. I miss running into him in the hallway on the way to the restroom. Him standing at my desk laughing.

To think just 2 and a half months ago, he was all of that and now he is on his deathbed.

At 53.

I hate seeing my paycheck go from the whole amount to hardly anything once I pay the mortgage and the cell phone bill. Because I have nothing left but money to buy gas for the car. I allow myself a whopping 20 dollars per week for incidentals each week of the month. That danged cell phone bill is killing me. 250.00 a month now.

Yesterday I went to Harbor Freight and bought myself a 4.99 metal hole cutter die set. And a 1.99 teeny hand drill to drill holes in soft wood. I needed the metal hole cutter because I have some 8 gauge copper wire that I want to make bookmarks out of...ewww awkward sentence. In any case, I wanted to cut a hole in one end to hang beads.

I made one yesterday but DANG! 8 gauge is hard to hammer and I don't have any good metal files. My dad had bunches but I don't know what happened to all of his tools. When I did hammer the end wide enough to accomodate the hole, the cutter cut a hole too large so it broke. Hmmmm.

Plus I need an anvil. My FIL had this small block of metal, about 3 inches by 5 inches that I could have used but I can't find that either...if we ever had it. I can't remember if I saw it here or maybe at the MIL's house. If it was there, it is long gone.

When I was at Harbor Freight I saw they had a dappling block. I want one of those (hahahah, even tho I don't have any metal sheet or way to cut metal - I NEVER have the right tools or materials). Well, I did read a review of the HF dappling tool here. I guess it's a good thing I didn't have the money to buy it eh? Thank goodness for blogs, blog authors and research.

I do wish there was a place in town to teach me what I need to know about working with metal and had the tools for me to play with.

My dad was a cook in the air force. He was a very good cook. Not a chef certainly but a cook. Pretty much short order was what he knew instinctively after all those years.

My mom also cooked but she had a different expertise. She did Japanese. Did it well too since she WAS Japanese.

But back to my dad. Every year for Thanksgiving and Christmas we'd have roast turkey. With all the trimmings. Yum. The best turkey ever.

He always cooked it in a big brown paper bag. You prepped it, stuck it in the bag, put it in the oven and didn't open it til it was done. And it was always perfect. Every time. Tender on the inside, crispy skin (which btw, I used to eat but no longer).

My husband usually does the cooking (or used to, now he rarely cooks). But he always makes the turkey. He scoffed at me and the brown paper bag method and will not, he refuses to even try the brown paper bag method. He used to tell me that no way that would work because it would catch on fire. Hrumpf, ours never did. I stopped asking him to do it that way many years ago.

But this morning I thought about cooking turkey and thought I'd go look at recipes. Look: Paper Bag Turkey is crisp, brown and juicy every time. Once you learn how to cook a turkey this way you'll never go back to basting. and Roasting a turkey in a brown paper bag is a method not many people are usually familiar with so here are the steps on how to make it. It's pretty easy and fun too. It is easy but I'm not sure that last thing - it being fun to do is exatly accurate. Putting something into a bag and putting it into an oven isn't exactly my idea of FUN but to each his own.

Nowadays I'd use either parchment paper (to make my own bag) or a roasting bag (much easier than constructing a bag). I have visions of bulk brown paper bags on the floor of a warehouse and icky things crawling on them.

That said, maybe I'll offer to do the turkey this year.

I tripped and fell yesterday. Dang it. Hurt myself too. Banged up my right knee, the inside of my right elbow, my left knee is grazed and my left ring finger knuckle is all purple. The worst of it is the elbow - if it lands on the arm of the chair it hurts like a mo-fo. I think I bruised it really bad even tho the skin isn't all that purple. I can't straighten my right knee, it makes me yelp if I do.

A fall day isn't supposed to mean fall on your hands and knees but apparently I had to make it one. I tripped on the ding-danged power cord for the laptop. Had I been barefoot instead of wearing Ugg boots I might have felt the cord on my leg but I didn't. I had no idea how I fell until after I fell and I couldn't get my right leg to move. Sigh.

So I am also having trouble with the keyboard on this laptop. I have to keep backspacing to correct my typos. This is how I am really typing if I don't backspace.

How arert you roday? I am just fine and dandy on rrthis really early morning. Hmmm, how come I can't recreate the typing issuues when I wanrt to do it? Now my fingers are hardly even touchinf the rt key. See how I keep hirrtrting the rt key but I also hirt rthe r key? Oooooh.

My hands keep typing both the r and the t key when I just want the t key.

I'm such a dork.

Unbelievable the guy who screamed and put his hands on another employee is coming back to work on Mon after a one week paid administrative leave. Yep, you heard that right.

No HR interview with the girl who was verbally attacked and was restrained from leaving her office. The only people who talked to HR was two bosses who were not even in the office at the time of the altercation.

The staff is up in arms.

We left early in the morning. 6ish. We got on the road and it took us hours to get to Warner Bros. First our driver could not navigate the freeway system so we missed a freeway, turned around and missed it a second time, then I put Los Angeles in the GPS instead of Burbank. I realized pretty quickly after we were getting on the Harbor freeway and we were going due west instead of northeast. Got that fixed. Then the GPS went crazy and made us go thru a little neighborhood and kept telling us to make a u turn. It also kept telling us to turn on streets we'd just passed. The coordinates must have been off by 20 ft or so. See this GPS link.

Arrived, checked in and found we had hours before we needed to be there. Ate and came back.

The show is very well coordinated. Standby guests (which we were) did get in but you only got into the actual taping if a VIP didn't show. If you didn't get in you got to sit in the Riff-Raff room. Which is fun and you do get to hear all the stuff coming from the studio but you're not really IN the studio. Sometimes they turn on the cameras in there so you might get to see yourself on tv. If you have to sit in the Riff-Raff room you get to get guaranteed tickets to a future show.

The line of us standby people snaked into the studio and when we got to the stairs going into the studio they only needed 2 of us. Sus and Terri got into the studio but me and K didn't. :-(

The show staff gave out 3 tickets by drawing numbers to see one of the Twelve Days of Christmas shows. We did not win one of the raffle tickets. :-(

But then me and K were told we were going to be seat fillers for 2 contestants who were doing a game in the first segment. Yay. That was fun, we danced and watched the contest. Then we returned to the RR room.

Then they told us (me and K) that we got to get tickets for a future show. We were given a schedule for the beginning of the year. I asked if we could get tix for one of the Christmas shows. She left and came back with the Dec schedule.

YAY! We get to go to a December show! Fun, fun, fun.

OMG, ya know how I dropped out of book club? I told each member that if they wanted to talk to me to email me. Nobody did (but 2 that had about enough). Ok, no biggie right?

Tonight we were at the bookstore. The husband of one of the eyerollers saw my husband and came over to say hi. It was a regular, "Hi". Then I step from the other side of my husband and said, "Hi Vic".

He blanched and said, "oh hi". Then he said one thing more to the husband and hightailed it out of there. Apparently he's mad at me FOR his wife.

Bwhahahahaha. That made me sort of laugh and sort of feel sorry for them. I didn't do anything to them, I left bookclub. That means I'm the one that loses out on a reading group.

I also think it's weird that someone who has nothing to do with bookclub is mad at me. Vic has no part at all in bookclub. None of the husbands do. My husband could be mad at them for being such jerks all the time but he treats them just as he always has.

Make no mistake my hub is sympathetic to me but he also knows I'm a big girl who can take responsibility for her own decisions...(hahahaha, even tho he likes me to get riled up when he gets riled up, see the Vogel post).

Oh well, they'll get over it or they won't.

Tomorrow I'm going to see a taping of the Ellen show. Maybe. We have the letter but the problem is the letter holder cannot go. We are not sure if the show will let her transfer the seats to Sue who was in the original party.

We're going on faith that it won't be a problem. The original ticket holder is calling to tell them that we are still coming, just that she can't go.

I hope we get in, we're leaving at 6 a.m. to be there at 8 a.m. It will take us longer than 2 hours to drive (Monday commuter traffic) but at least we'll be there early. The taping doesn't start until 1:30. We'll need things to keep us occupied that is for sure.

I think I'll take some knitting. Maybe K can bring a travel scrabble game. No cell phones in line either. Ye gawds. Out of touch all day.

It will be fun no matter what we do or don't do. Wheeeee.

A long time ago there was a man in town named Mr. Vogel. I didn't know Mr. Vogel personally but I knew him because he wrote to the local paper every week complaining about something. And it was always something odd. Things like: "Why does our town have to have diagonal parking? Can't we have parallel parking on every street? Why when I was a young man you were only taught parallel parking, that diagonal parking is for commies!"

Ok, yes, I made that up but thats the sort of comment the man made every week. I imagined the newspaper people put his letters in every week because they were so entertaining to regular people.

Me and the husband used to read his letters out loud. (should that be aloud?)

As my husband gets older and more crotchety he notices more and more things that make him irritated. Every time he notices spray paint tagging he says things like "Look at that! More tagging! I need to call the city to do something about it. Damned kids!" or "Hey, those neighbors can't do that, I'm gonna call our city councilman and get him to do something." He becomes outraged over things in our neighborhood.

I guess it's good, but really I don't want to hear the crotchety-ness. He gets all riled up and wants me to get all riled up too. Hmmmm, I don't want to get all riled up, my stress levels don't need to raise by stuff like that. If I say, "ah huh." he gets cranky at me that I don't care. I do but I don't want to hear the bitching. Reminds me of Frank Vogel.

Today we had an escaped rehab person (about a block over is a rehab hospital). Some guy walked out of there, came to our street, broke into someones house thru the window and then came out the front door. He then proceeded to ask our neighbors for a glass of water. The police were called and they caught him an hour later.

Tonight the hub tells me he gonna call our councilman because of it. Why? I asked him. Because evidently the hospital doesn't have good enough security.

I'm thinking the hospital knows this and will take the appropriate action. We've lived her 15 years and we've never had an escaped rehab person before.

I told the husband that he's sounding like Mr. Vogel...that's a little out there to call the city councilman over a rehab escape.

He laughed but I'm thinking he still might call the poor man.

It's a good thing the paper eventually made a rule that only one letter to the editor a month would be published. Otherwise I might end up seeing my hub's name in the paper every week.

Remember the temperamental artist guy who screamed at me some months back? Well, today he began screaming at someone else and was telling her to f-off and all kinds of nasty stuff. It started because she made a comment about how he doesn't like to share the mac laptop (that happens to be a general laptop that belongs to no one person but he thinks he's the only one who can use it). He went off on her. Used the F word at least a dozen times and was screaming loud enough for us to hear at the front of the office.

She asked him numerous times to get out of her office and he wouldn't. He finally left just to come back in slam the laptop on her desk and throw the mouse on top of that.

She came out and told all of us what had happened and she was upset and crying. Two men who work with them heard the entire thing and is backing up her story exactly as she tells it.

She called her boss who was at a lunch meeting. And she wrote him an email outlining the encounter. Then he came into her office again (after about 30 mins) and told her he wanted to talk to her and he kept saying "Don't be like that.". We all know he wanted to apologize but she did not want to talk to him. She asked him to leave and he wouldn't. He shut the door and when she tried to open the door he took her by the shoulders and said he wanted to talk to her. This happened repeatedly. Finally she told him to let go and let her out otherwise she was calling me.

He let her go, she came out to me crying and practically hysterical. Right on her heels he came carrying his bag. He left the office without saying anything.

There were 2 other people at my desk and they heard her retell the story.

She left and saw her boss and the big boss in the parking lot. She told them the story. The big boss came in and asked to see me. I told her the story with the caveat that I could only tell her what I saw and heard. I also told her how he treated me months ago. She apparently didn't remember that altercation (or claimed to not know about it) but it did show a trend). Then the girls boss came in and asked to see me. I told him the story.

Then they called HR. Apparently he's being put on an administrative leave until they can investigate. He's crossed the line too many times. He makes really bad choices and his anger flares at the slightest thing. It's usually with no provocation, he just takes things way over the top. I'd hate to see him lose his job (he has a wife and 2 little kids) but you reap what you sow and he's been reaping bitter stuff all over the place. I don't know when they will tell him (or if they already have). I can almost imagine him quitting but maybe not because of his family.

After that all happened the hub called to tell me that a truck crashed into a building 6 houses away from us and either the driver killed someone or was killed or badly injured. That was about 4 that he called me and the cops are still there, the street is all blocked off and it's after 9 p.m.

Oh and T's mom called me this morning and said she was trying to keep all visits and phone calls to a minimum so her son could fight the cancer. She's finally understanding that he will not have any better days and he's pretty close to death. She is rescinding her ban and everyone can come visit him. She thanked me for being honest (because I kept encouraging her to let people talk to him and told her I thought he was so tired and needed her to let him to whatever he wants to do and to just make him as comfortable as she can). Evidently she finally heard the doctors words that he doesn't have much time & I think she finally heard what me and a couple of others have very gently tried to tell her without being flat out tactless.

What a horrible day.

I don't know how much longer T can hang on. He's on oxygen and him mom says she hopes he sticks around at least for his bday on Nov.9. I don't know if he will or can. I told his mom to tell him to try to stay but if he can't she understands.

She asked me how come I was so smart. Well, sadly I've been here before so I've had to learn.

There are some lessons you don't want to learn.

She tells me he's lost his voice. He can still talk but has lost his voice so I guess he can still whisper. The doc says it just might be part of his illness (which I think means the cancer might have done something to his vocal cords).

He told her his pain was about a 3 (with meds) so at least he's not so high on the pain scale that he has to be medicated into oblivion. However, he's so tired he thought maybe caffeine would help wake him up. I think he's dying and his body just cannot keep him awake. His mom said the doc said it's normal for him to be so lethargic and bone tired.

I hope wherever he is he knows he's cared for a lot.

OOooooh, this is a fun giveaway: Click here. Not to mention there are fun and cute folksy quilts to inspire you to play.

Last night we went to dinner with Em, Mary and Em's new guy friend. Our kidlets were also there. Me, the hub and the BIL. To celebrate Em's birthday. She's 22.

The youngsters were more numerous than the oldsters.

The new guy friend is cute and he was very solicitous of Em's family members. Hmmmm. It was probably my first clue that he was a bit more than a friend. hahahah.

He is a very nice young man.

We all chatted and chatted although it was a bit difficult to hear across the table. Instead I mostly watched the interchanges between kids. And it was a bit telling that Em's girlfriend (who very much approves of the new relationship) was very forthcoming about the two of them while Em was shy about it. I think this relationship might be a long one. It just looks that way to me after watching them last night.

bwhahahaha and he's a California guy. :-)

My hair has been turning gray at my temples for a few years now. It hasn't really bothered me. But now I notice there are more gray hairs sprouting all over my head not just the temples. Which isn't really a bad thing overall, the silvery gray is a nice contrast to my normally brunette hair.

What does bother me is the sticky-uppie-ness of the new gray hairs. They stand straight up at attention even if they are 2 inches long. Ok, ok, maybe 2 inches is an exaggeration, but it seems like they are really long.

I can't make them lay down and I certainly don't want to pull them out. All that does it make the problem fade for a few weeks - it'll be back for sure.

My mom used to ask me and my sister to pluck hers out. And we did. She'd wash her hair and then we'd put them up in curlers for her and grab any old gray hair that was sticking up and pluck it out. I cannot imagine asking my children to do that. Makes me laugh.

Then she would put on some kind of curler cover, a cap that sometimes had fluttery butterflies or flowers made out of a sheer polyester material. I need to find a picture of these oh-so-fashionable caps.

A special note: My MIL never washed her own hair. That is weird to me. She had her hairdresser wash her hair, but she never did her own. When she was having difficulty getting in and out of the shower the last few years I told her we could install a handheld shower so she could wash her hair and she looked at me in horror. Told me she didn't know how to wash her hair because she'd never done it. Can you imagine?

I have always had sleek hair as opposed to fluffy hair. Fluffy hair is too big for my head. Now these gray hairs are trying to make my head fluffy by fluffing up one by one.

Maybe I ought to go back to really, really short sticky-uppie hair so I'm not noticing the gray soldiers standing at attention. That is one way to resist: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

I hung out in Ojai and had a wonderful time. Low-key as compared to past years but just as quality.

Most of the time I spent hanging out with H, we made food, we noshed, we went out to dinner, we chatted, we grooved.

I saw an ex co-worker who caught me up with all the news from my old work. That was fun. I haven't seen her in 5 years. Funny, we went to Ojai together 6 years ago, repeated it 5 years ago and both went on with our lives.

On my way home I decided to drive over and see my friend who is dying of cancer. He's finally at home. He does not look good, he's lost a bunch of weight and looks like he's on death's door.

He was sitting in a wheelchair tho. And he was fairly awake when I got there. Another visitor was there, his mom was there and the aide. The aide is 20 and he did a good job while I was there. We took him for a walk around the block and when we got back he did a little physical therapy and promptly fell asleep. Just riding around in the sun took a lot out of him.

He's always been very, very quick but yesterday no. He could keep focus for about 2 mins and then faded into this internal place. Then he'd pop back into conciousness (not that he was unconsciousness when he went internal, he just wasn't present).

His mom is still keeping some people away telling them to wait til he has a better day. I asked her to please let a couple of people talk to him, there is one guy at work that keeps trying to call but she won't let him talk to him. I asked specifically for T to take that one phone call. She promised me she would. I told her she needed to let T hear the people who wanted to tell him what he meant to them. I got teary because it's important to him that he know people care and people want him to know that.

His mom did tell me that under no circumstances would she let his boss talk to him. He can't stand her and they both think she is stupid. Sadly she means well but has no connection to him or anyone else so I can't blame them. She won't be hearing from them and they won't let her near him even by phone.

I spent an hour there and then came home.

Tomorrow I go to work and when I get home I pack to drive up to Ojai. Here are some great photos of the town and surrounding area. I have a friend who lives up there and every year there is a yoga conference which I used to go to but now I can't afford. But I know a ton of yogis who fly in from all over the US so I get to see a great number of friends while I'm up there.

Mucho love to my friend H who invites me to stay in her little house. We hang out drinking coffee and chat it up all weekend. I don't do many things outside of my town so this is a real treat for me. I am so looking forward to it.

I am not looking forward to the drive (I really would rather have a driver take me there and come pick me up on Sunday). I hate driving, I have a phobia about driving.

No really, a true phobia. If it gets too bad I'll pull off the road and take a rest. Last year I hitched a ride with 2 yogi's but they aren't here this year so I will miss them (not just for their driving either).

Just one more day of work to get thru.

I knew this day was coming. My friend from work has been deemed terminal. They are arranging for hospice.

He's disheartened, his mom and sister are somewhat surprised. They kept holding on t the idea that he'd walk out of there.

I haven't been so optimistic. And I hate when I am right with this type of thing. I guess me and the girls at work have been preparing for this very situation.

I need to call him but the question is do I call him today? Or wait. Waiting might be a bad idea because he isn't going to get better. They are stopping chemo which I don't think makes any difference at all since it never seemed to have done anything. Too much cancer everywhere to make a dent.

I'm sad today.

On Wed I bought some coffee beans at Starbucks. I had them grind it at the espresso setting. On Thurs morning I opened the bag and spooned some grinds into the espresso basket. Ding dang it! It was too fine, it was ground at a turkish grind.

You cannot use a turkish grind because it sets up a vacumn inside the basket. No coffee comes out and you run the risk of blowing the gasket. I ground some other kinds of beans I have for this happenstance. Why, you ask? Because it happens all the time. You'd think I'd learn to check it before I leave Starbucks. I was in such a hurry to get home I didn't.

And of course I didn't package it up so I could take it back. I was running late so when I realized I didn't have the time I thought I'd buy some regular grind and mix it with the too finely ground and I'd have a happy medium. The larger grounds would allow enough room for the water to circulate!

I went into Starbucks and found out they don't have pre-ground coffee. So I told the clerk I needed regular grind because I wanted to mix it with the too fine stuff the clerk ground the day before. She told me I could bring it back. But since I needed it today so I'd have coffee in the a.m. I told her I'd buy another pound.

She began to grind my coffee. She checked it after a bit and had me look at it. It was perfect. She continued and then found the grind was getting finer. Apparently the machine was off as it kept getting finer and finer til it was powder. She wasn't giving up either. She got more beans and set the machine to a courser setting. Finally she got it to grind at a texture that would work for my espresso machine.

Since it took 15 mins to get the grind right she gave me the pound and my latte to me for free. Yippee!

I love that she did that...although I sure do wish Starbucks would train their clerks better when it comes to grinding coffee for customers. Afterall, it happens alot and it's not because every store has a grinder that needs adjusting.

I hate when our big dog has an epileptic fit. This one lasted at least 5 mins. I heard him walking around and I thought he wanted to go outside. I opened the door and he stiffly walked outside and I knew he was starting one. Usually he comes to me and stands there wanting pets (reassurance?) and then begins the fit.

I went out with him and followed him. As we got to the front steps (I let him out out laundry room door) he began staggering over to me. He fell over onto me and the steps (his ribs hit the edge of the steps pretty hard) and I just kept hugging him and telling him it was ok. I don't really think he hears me when he is having the fit but it helps reassure me.

This one went on long enough that I thought he was having a stroke. He was panting hard and his eyes were wild.

He slowly came out of it and stood right up and took a few steps away from me. I called to him and he came to me and then went to get a drink of water. I was afraid he was going to have another and fall into the tub of water.

A few mins after that he walked around the yard, peed and then went exploring the yard.

I hate that he has these. He doesn't have them often enough to give him daily medication. But it really worries me that they're lasting longer than they used to.

Sock monkey fabric

This is my most recent Spoonflower upload. Clicky here.

I love the violet one but I think I will enter a different color one for the next contest. The deadline is Monday and I don't think you can vote until Thurs. On Thurs I'll post the actual page where you can vote (although I think only 3 people look at this blog and anyone from this computer can't vote since it only counts 1 from each isp/household).

I like my little sockmonkeys. I think they are darling.

Yesterday I saw a woman who had a full-grown iguana on a leash. She sat on a planter and tried to get people to register to vote. The iguana was a good ploy to get people to stop. The iguana climbed up the tree at one point.

Today I saw 2 men who had a shepard that looked like it was part wolf. It was HUGE and had a bristle back (maybe it was part ridgeback?) but it's legs were very long and slender. Pretty dog. Good thing it was leashed tho.

Last Sat night I found I got a new ATM card. It probably came the week before but I never saw it. I found the envelope by happenstance and opened it even tho it was unmarked. My new card was in it. I looked for an envelope that might contain the PIN but could not find it. It has to be here somewhere cuz mail does not get thrown away here very often. In any case I decided that I HAD to go to the bank and have them give me a PIN. I don't have any way to get ANY cash. I had to borrow 20 from my friend and I need to pay her back.

I left early on Wed. to go to the bank. I was there by 8:00 a.m. The bank doesn't open til 9 and it closes at 5. I work from 8:30 to 5:30. I cannot do my banking during the week. Dang it.

The big boss told me (after she overheard me telling my boss the story). She very helpfully, I say with some sarcasm, told me it was open on Saturday.

Today she spent 3 hours at her bank tranferring her accounts from one bank to another; during working hours I might add. How nice for her that she can do that.

Some hours later she casually told me and my boss that her retirement from her last job (which as a very high profile company here in town where she was the CEO) would only last 2 more years...that she would only get yearly checks from them for 2 more years. She mentioned that they are larger than her yearly pay at this job (she makes 140k a year). And when those check stop after 2 more payouts she's gonna be poor because she won't have any income. She told us she might end up being a bag lady.

Hmmmm, let me see, she owns 3 homes (one in Carmel, CA) she currently makes at least 300k a year in checks and she's been investing for decades. I told her in all seriousness, "I really, really don't think you'll be a bag lady. And if you are a bag lady it will be a very expensive bag."

The 3rd thing she did was decide she was going to not buy season tickets for a philharmonic here in town. So she called to tell them since she'd just gotten an email asking her to purchase. The person on the phone said, "Ohhhh, you're MM, the ex-CEO of XXX company? Oh, I wish you'd continue your subscription!"

She comes out of her office to tell me how embarrassing it was that the woman knew who she was.

Ah huh, yeah, I'm sure she was tickled pink that a common person working in the box office knew who she was.

Ya know why this bothers me? Because some of the workers in our office have started to go to this charity that buys food that is near it's expiration date and offers whatever they have at 20.00. You basically get 5 or 6 grocery bags of food and sundry items for that 20.00. And she walks around telling all of us who have pay cuts (she does too, just to be fair) but some people are having to cut way back due to the cuts. Why can't she keep her stuff private? She has no tact.

The past 2 days have been cold, rainy-ish and overcast. Tomorrow it's supposed to be 88. Crazy.

This weekend is book club, just the 3 of us. And yes, we read the book that the eyeroller suggested and it was good. I really enjoyed it.

Not sure if we're doing it Fri or Sat. Sat is better I think for me and one other. We just have to figure out if the 3rd one can do it.

Terri is suggesting we change our book club name. It's a good idea although I am attached to the other one.

But change is good.

Today the director at work who cannot seem to get a handle on things asked me to give her my perspective on something. I am not going to do it. She's asking my perspective on something that we've talked about for 3 years. I've asked and argued why we should be doing this one task differently. She refuses to do it the way I've said it needs to be done.

This woman has played the: "Can I get your perspective" card too many times on me. I give it to her and she uses my material to upper management and claims it to be her own. Because she can't do these things. She cannot write up a plan, can't write up a justification, cannot write up anything without help. This isn't just little memo type stuff, these are management-level decision-ables, recommendations and reports.

The new big boss came in and asked why we were doing the one task the way we are. Because we are doing it in a very repetitive and labor-intensive manner. He suggested to her we change it (to the way I have been arguing for. We BOUGHT a product to do this task legally and quickly but it doesn't work and when I told her it doesn't work and the seller of the product refuses to fix it she dropped the ball.

She can't really answer the question the new boss asked her so she is asking me what it will take to do it the new way and how will it benefit us.

I'm a low-level admin and I've been told I'm a low level admin. I do not get paid to help her do her job (other than the low level administrative work) so I am not going to do a big write up so she can forward it to the new boss. She can figure it out herself. I can't even understand why she is asking me this since we've gone over it multiple times over the last 3 years.

Too bad I can't answer and cc the new boss. I won't (even tho I think it) and it would help highlight her inability to do this and the fact she is requesting that I "give" her my perspective instead of knowing the very product she is supposed to be in charge of. For crying out loud she is asking programmer level technical stuff as well as strategic benefits for the entire company. No, she can do this without me. I wish her luck.

It's raining. In early October. Raining.

The weekend is supposed to be in the mid 90's.

The rain suits my mood these days.

Went to Mike's memorial yesterday. It was nice, somewhat smaller than the last one we went to (of our group) but a lot of people couldn't get here like they could during the summer months.

It was nice to see everyone again. I hate that we all get together when someone dies but I guess we'll see this happen over and over as we get older.

I got teary-eyed while Mike's wife spoke of his last days and what his friends meant to him. I didn't think I would but listening to her broke my heart.

The fun part was looking thru a ton of pictures. PattyS brought 2 boxes that were slated for the trash bin when someone saved them. I'll post some when I get a chance to do something like scan them. Wish we had a scanner, that would make it easier.

The old guard is leaving the planet. Hello mortality.

Wow. Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. I'm figuring it's because he jump-started the country and the world back to something less war-like than the last 8 years. There was such an electrifying vibe to everything as he campaigned.

I'm always proud to be an American, but as I watched the last president go down paths I didn't want him to do down I slunk farther and farther down in the seat wishing it'd go away.

In 2003 when we went to Paris (days after Bush declared war), all 4 of us decided we'd make sure to tell anyone who asked: "I did not vote for him". None of us had and we were counseled to stay in the US and not go abroad. As an aside, we were not hassled about it but we did have conversation (with a british couple) and one comment from a taxi driver. Both exchanges were of puzzlement on why Bush was being the way he was.

I'm against war, I know, I know, support our troops, support our commander in chief. I don't have to approve of the war I can still support the guys who went there and performed their duty.

So when Obama came with messages of peace, he handed us back the hope that we could be proud of this country again. That we could sit across the table and converse with diplomacy, that he'd close Gitmo, that we'd go back to civility. Those things were the things I grasped onto.

I wasn't the only one. And I thought there was a palpable difference.

That's why Obama got the Nobel Peace Prize.

Early evening: I'm adding to this post. I'm amazed at how many people are railing against Obama getting the award. Many of them confuse the duties of the presidency with getting the award. Cries of: He hasn't done anything in the 11 days he was in office or What has he done? Tell me what wars has he stopped? Healthcare is still being rammed down our throats! Unemployment is so high!

Multiple times during the day I had to post what the NPP was and what the rules were. I even posted the video of the NPP committee member explaining what A. Nobel put down as the criteria and how Obama met all the criteria.

Why isn't any recognition of a peaceable solution applauded and given high fives by the entire country? It makes me sad.

Oh and btw, Obama is donating the 1.4 million to charity.

It's cold. It's unusual to have weather this chilly this early in Oct. I associate Halloween with the weather turning from warmish to windy cold.

This year the tail end of Sept took a turn into fall weather. And I'm not very happy about that. Means I have to find all my warmer clothes and get new boots. I wish for very warm boots, one flat pair and one with heels. Seems I can't find pants that are short enough to wear flat shoes so I must resort to heels.

I shake my fist at cold weather. At the colds it's brings (I've already had my cold for winter so please, no more colds). I'd spit in the face of winter but it's likely to come back at me so forget that. Basically this weekend I stayed inside and didn't venture out because I was sick. bah.

I guess I'd better start knitting again. Keeps me warm having woolen scarves wrapped around my neck AND having a scarf project on my lap.

I still neeeeed to learn how to knit socks. I hate that I can't figure out the heel and turning the heel. For crying out loud, my brain is turning to mush that I can't figure it out on my own. Must be age. $@&*#$*&%!!

Off I go, pondering the boring-ness of my blog posts. I need to get out more so I have something to write about.

Hey, this is cool. Someone bought one of my designs on Spoonflower! Now don't get all excited I don't get anything because someone bought one of my designs...I get the satisfaction that someone liked it enough to purchase it.

And this is the one they bought, click here.

I LOVE that one.

Maybe I ought to buy some and sell fat quarters?

I left work early today. I was definitely spreading germs. I kept sneezing and blowing snot everywhere and I didn't feel well so I got my work done and left.

I came home took a fitful nap, hard to nap when you can't breathe or snot is flying from your nose. I bought the Nasonex and it was, with my co-pay - $35.00. OMG.

I keep wondering if the amount of dust in this house (which is to say we have dust flying thru this 90 year old house all the time) is a factor in my turbinate tissues being so swollen. Especially since our front yard is all dirt - it makes it 100 times worse.

I don't think I have allergies, but I can see where a constant supply of fine dust could irritate the nose. Especially one that has a deviated septum since it can't clean itself out as efficiently as a nose with a straight septum.

So even tho I felt like doo-doo I vacuumed. I cannot afford 35.00 for the nasal steroids so I guess I'd better vacuum every single day.

It's either that or move to my very own apartment so there is no dogs, no furniture and no dust.

I hate having breathing problems. And snot and wet tissues.

Ding dang it, I knew I was getting sick. This morning sneezing, snot, headache. I guess my turbinates are working overtime.

hahaha, I like the word turbinates. A new word is always fun to learn...even if you have a deviated septum or cold to learn about them.

Yowie my head hurts. I think I'm sick. Coincidentally I went to the ENT doc yesterday.

I need to get my deviated septum fixed. After my tangle with the tree that broke my nose last May I've been deviated. And I've been having breathing problems since then. It's mostly noticeable when I have both pain and a stuffy nose in the morning. I guess when I lay down ooky stuff pools up in my sinuses. But once I'm up and moving around the headache goes away.

Yesterday I went in hoping to schedule the surgery. I left without scheduling it. Instead I left with a prescription for a steroid spray & antibiotics, a neti bottle and a 2 month wait. Because insurance requires I try these things before I can have the surgery.

Not only is my septum deviated but the turbinates are swollen. Click the link to see what the turbinates are...I had no idea I had turbinates, much less that they could be swollen. So the spray is supposed to help calm down the turbinates and the neti pot (which is really a bottle for me) irrigates the nasal passages getting rid of all kinds of gunk.

The ENT also thought I might have sleep apnea. Because I wake up with headaches. Great. Can't I have a simple deviated septum?

In any case I have to undergo nearly 2 months of pharmaceuticals before insurance will approve surgery. Although I think if I didn't have the swollen turbinates it would be easier. He said he'd remove part of the turbinates because they were so swollen. Which means he'll remove some of the core of the turbinates. Weird eh?

Tonight I try the neti.

Today it was cool. Cool like 60 degrees cool. And it rained for a few minutes! Day before yesterday it was 106 degrees!

I waited for the son to get out of class before I drove home. The niece wanted to have dinner with us so I dropped the son home so he could do his 90 pages of reading and I met them at Panera. I had a sweater but that was not enough.

In Calif it can be sweltering one day and the next freezing-butt cold. That's what it's like now and guess what? All the air conditioners are still set for hot weather and when you go into a restaurant it's ice cold inside.

So I shivered while I ate my sandwich and talked to the family. Oh and the hub and BIL went to get money and ran into Donita and Tracey so they joined us. You'd think with a big group we'd huddle together for warmth.

I know some people love the cooler weather (both Donita and Tracey do) but it hurts me. My toes are frozen since I'm wearing sandals. My legs were cold since I was wearing capri's. My sweater is great for summer coolness but not fall coolness.

I stayed as long as I could but I still had to get milk and get home so I could get ready for work tomorrow. So I left and froze my butt off at the grocery store. Brrrrr.

Sadly I'll probably wake up tonight in the middle of the night sweltering. That's just how it's been lately.

Bummer, fall is coming. I think it will still warm up once or twice before the cool/cold is here to stay but I've had my warning.

Argh, it's so hot I woke up in a sweat.

Tonight I did something drastic. I quit book club. I realized, with crystal clarity that I was not having fun anymore. This has been coming for months.

It hit home tonight when I was talking about my friend who is dying of cancer. It's a part of his story that he did not attend to his melanoma when he was not working. No insurance, no doctor visits. Unfortunately because of his decision his melanoma (which was removed once he got insurance) had spread. My story tonight had nothing to do with the political hot topic of insurance reform. Nothing. It was the story of how he has been mishandled by the medical establishment. Not once did I mention insurance reform, not once did I mention my political beliefs on reform.

But 2 of the bc members kept quiet about his dying and kept shooting looks at one another. I don't understand that. I don't understand how they choose to make this about my political beliefs rather than my friend dying and how all of his friends are rallying around him to make the rest of his life as comfortable as possible.

And then the book. OMG, I hated the book. Whatever. We all have our personal preferences about whatever material we're reading. 2 other members besides me didn't understand the book because as far as I'm concerned the device the author used was ambiguous and half-horror that never went anywhere. It was 3 likes the book and 3 disliked the book. In any case the 2 members who kept shooting looks at one another during my friends story were in the kitchen and one said to the other, "I guess some people don't get metaphor". That was really the kicker.

So as I drove home I decided I wasn't having fun and some things come to an end. This is one of them, at least for me.

One of the members has already called me. She said, "How dare you quit before I quit?" She's going to send email as well, saying she's going to take a break. She's not quite as in your face as I am. I invited the others to call me or email or not to reply at all, it's their choice. But if they want specifics I'll tell them exactly why I'm done.

I'm fairly certain my best friend (who is the co-originator with me of this book club) will end up quitting as well. This is not a dividing the troops type of thing if she doesn't that's ok too. The friend who called me asks if we can do our own book club and we're already deciding to go on without the others. We'll do a once a month dinner with book discussion. It will be much nicer not having to be afraid to discuss things because one of us don't agree on a particular subject. We can have those kinds of discussions without taking things personally.

So I feel freer tonight.

Another Spoonflower entry. The theme is "spoons and flowers". So mine is pretty literal. Once again, I can see I won't win but it's ok, I like my design and it does have some votes so that's nice. Here is a link to see all of the entries, click here.

I can so see this as a cute apron, can't you? I'm thinking I could make some coordinating fabric with some of the flowers colored pink or citrus colors. Too cute. Wouldn't the black and white look great with maybe some rick-rack in pink or red or a bright cheery accent color?

The poor Spoonflower folks, they thought to do a difficult theme to keep the number of entries low. Nope, they still got a lot and I know they worked hard to put it all up on the site. I'm thinking they need to do a short submission time. This one was 4 days long and they got 70 entries. They need to do a one day or 8 hour submission time to make it manageable I think.

So my friend in the hospital (yes, he is still there) is going to need chemo. He's got tumors along his spine. He still cannot move is legs. He has some movement, but I think it's a mere few millimeters rather than being able to lift.

At work we were discussing things to get him, we talked about a dvd player. I suggested we get him a laptop. I figured he'd be in the hospital a long time and when he went into skilled nursing he'd be bored most of the day.

Having communication outside is imperative. I was once in the hospital for a month (way before laptops were available) and watching tv and waiting for the phone to ring was horribly boring.

He got it today. 2 guys from work delivered it to him. I'm so happy he's got a way to communicate with us and document whatever he wants to document.

I hope he writes his story.

I can already see by the votes I'm not going to come close to winning this weeks contest but it sure is fun to see my design up on Spoonflower. It does have some votes, I asked my friends to vote but really there are strangers who voted for this design too!

This is it. A cute little owl dressed up as a hedgehog or a hedgehog dressed up as an owl...you choose.

Originally I did this guy as a Christmas fabric but didn't realize I missed the deadline to enter, I was a day late. So I have my Christmas hedgie for sale and I decided to use his image in the Halloween contest. Don't ask me why Spoonflower had a Christmas contest before a Halloween one...they just did. :-)

I might make a whole series of holiday hedgies using this little guy. I think he's adorable, if I do say so myself. LOL.

I do want to make a general design with this guy because I think I might want to order some fabric from them. What I've seen on the internet, in terms of quality looks great. I do sort of have 2 issues tho. One is the design is too cutesy for me for clothing or a purse, I think I need a 4 year old to wear this as clothing. And second the yardage is expensive. $18.00 a yard. A yard isn't very much so whatever I make has to be smallish and the design something I'd actually wear. That said, I want to support Spoonflower. I think it's a great site and I love cruising it.

Decisions, decisions.

I do wish they had a place to move things that are obviously not going to be used by most people. People design their own fabric labels (great idea) but I'm not going to buy those designs and probably nobody else will either other than the originator. Sometimes people are using SF's bandwidth to upload family photos - now really who wants to see that when you have to explore fabric one by one? Or random clip art, not my thing; maybe someone WILL buy a yard of random clip art? Maybe, but doubtful.

To SF's credit they are making it easier to navigate by adding keywords like: Holiday, Floral, etc. And by color too. But sometimes I don't know what I'm looking for so I have to use the Explore option...which gives you pages and pages of everything in the order it was loaded.

It's a fun site, go there by clicking here.

I work in an office that is located in an outside mall - basically a strip mall with a movie theater and about 20 (mostly) independent restaurants. Mostly asian food. During the summer it is dead. There are no houses nearby and the students are gone so it's not very busy. That will change very soon, students are about to start classes. btw, we are across from a university. But right now there are no shoppers, just one or two people out and about.

Sooooo, today about 4:00 me and my friend are sitting out on the second floor balcony taking a break. We see a guy in an electric wheelchair racing around the parking lot begging for change. He hits up the 2 people in the parking lot. One gives him money, the other (an office worker I recognize) does not.

He whizzes over to the area right underneath us and I can hear him asking the FEDX lady for money. My friend says "I wish there were a security guy around." Right that second a security guard walks up. I said to him, "Hey, there is a guy in a wheelchair right downstairs (I point downward) who is begging for money."

He says, "What does he look like?"

I know my face is showing an expression like...wtf, did you not hear what I said?

I say, "Ummmm, he's in an electric WHEELCHAIR"

He says, "What is his race?"

Ok, so even tho I did note (in my brain) his race, it was not the first thing I noticed. I noticed he was in a WHEELCHAIR. Since there is no wheelchair convention around and there are no people out and about it never occurred to me to say, "Hey there is a teal, black, yellow, hispanic, white, green, purple man in a wheelchair begging for money downstairs."

My friend was looking at me, I could see her looking at me with that, "OMG, did he just ask the stupidest question just now?"

He left after I told him his race but really, it was not necessary.

Weird.

Last night was hilarious. The family went to dinner. Em was invited but didn't respond to her uncles texts, but did respond to the daughter's text saying she couldn't make it.

So we all went without her. The son is hiking or out somewhere til Tuesday so he wasn't there.

We sat down and then saw one of our pals coming out of the movies. She joined us. Then the BIL texted another friend who was in our area and she joined us.

So 6 for dinner. We sat and did a lot of talking about the current hot topic of the day: insurance reform.

2 drunk people came out on the patio. A sort of cute couple (in their 20's) with a lot of tattoos. They weren't sloppy drunk but they were definitely drunk. The guy started talking to us. Asking the boys how they were so successful at getting women. LOL. 4 women at our table to our 2 guys. A couple of smart-asses comments from our side to the girl, which they totally enjoyed and the guy was off and running with his life story.

And a lot of questions thrown at our general vicinity...who's your favorite football team? Does he look like a private school/christian school kid? (he went to both kinds of schools his entire life), etc. They were very social and very funny in a drunk way. The guy tried to give us a giant yellow cocktail. We declined. I was glad to see he didn't drink it, he was already drunk enough. LOL.

Lucky for us they came at a time when we were winding down to go. I would not have been as amused if they came out before we finished our dinner.

We left and that was our evening out...spent chatting with family, friends and then people trying to make friends with us.

Yikes, I wasted an entire day with a migraine-like headache.

We had to get the daughter a new phone. She was supposed to get one for HS graduation but Aug was a money drain so she had to wait til Sept. I didn't expect the phone to be as expensive as it was...it has a rebate of 100.00 but I thought it was an instant rebate not a mail in one. So the husband paid the bill.

Both kids got new phones, they were due for an upgrade. They both got the Versa, a good touchscreen but it doesn't require that you get an internet plan.

The husband got a blackberry. I'm a little puzzled why he got such a technologically advanced phone but whatever.

I'm still waiting for my upgrade time. I have a longgggg time. I can't get one for another year and 2 months. Ding dang dog that ate my phone is still on my shit list.

My phones battery is kaput, I can text as much as I want but if I talk on it the battery drains in about 5 mins. Then it goes dead. So I think I'll take the son's Razor and use that when I can't stand carrying around a charger and talking only when it's plugged in.

I don't talk on my cell very much. I use the least amount of mins. The husband is the most talkative, the son comes in second, the daughter third. I mostly use mine to take calls from the family when they call me to ask me if I need anything from the store. Oh, I do ring my carpooler once I leave my house when I am picking her up. But I don't talk I just ring her to let her know I am on my way. I might actually have a conversation on my phone twice a week.

So text me if you need to contact me.

Last night we drove in to see our friend who is pretty ill. Thursday he could walk and Thursday night he couldn't. All because of a tumor.

Today we got the report that the cancer is everywhere. I don't know what that means in medical terms.

The three of us who know did not tell the rest of the office. All they know is he can't walk, he's got cancer and multiple tumors were found.

Last night we laughed with our friend. He's telling us he is going to fight this. I hear huge strides have been made in treatment these days.

I am preparing myself for the worst.

Have you ever wanted to go thru the monitor and strangle someone? This morning I did. Some woman who is posting to my husbands Facebook accused me of writing stuff I would never write. Never, because I don't need to resort to talking about tv personalities or Fox news to make my point.

She does seem to get my point tho, that she is following what others say rather than do the research on her own. She keeps using the words, "smart person" or "smart people" say this or that.

Basically I asked her if she'd read the text of the healthcare proposals or the summaries. Because I have, searching for whatever claims that seem so outlandishly odd. She doubts I have. She doesn't know me very well does she?

So I'm calling her out to show me the text. Everyone gets notificiations showing each persons post in the threads (unless they turned off notifications) and I'm willing to bet others in the thread have notifications turned on and will say there was never any such post written by me.

My poor daughter. 3rd migraine in about a week. Her abortive meds just don't really work for her. She's a chronic Migraineur. Without daily medications she has migraines almost every day. With the right combo of meds maybe once or twice a month. She's had some good combos (by good, I don't mean, hooray - drugs) but combos that allow her to have some kind of life that allows her to plan.

When she gets into these cycles of multiple migraines over days she gets (understandably) upset. Not just upset but emotionally fragile. She's 17, she's had migraines her entire life. She's the strongest person I know to have to deal with this.

I wrote an email to her neurologist tonight. She needs more resources than "here, lets try this dosage" type thing. I need her to be educated that as it stands right now she's going to always have these and figure out the best way for her to cope. I know she is not alone but most times she thinks she is.

I get migraines (like last summer when I got them almost every day...but they did not put me down like some I've had...I could, and did work right thru them). Last summer most of mine didn't turn into raging OMG, I must get in the dark and don't talk, no sound at all kind of migraine. But I have had them and I do know what it's like. The husband had a bout of cluster migraines 30 years ago, but she has never seen him with a headache so she doesn't know he does understand the pain.

And frankly it doesn't matter because she's the one with the pain. We can't help her.

I'm making an appt for her tomorrow and I'm going to go in with her. She's not honest enough with him and I know I can convey exactly how she is doing emotionally. Better yet, get her to really tell him by me breaking the ice about it.

I just wish I could help her.

I finished reading Julie/Julia. Okay book, not anything earth-shattering. The author is witty but I had to keep putting it down for some reason. Maybe it was Julies intensity as compared to her husband Eric. Not exactly sure why I had to keep walking away. But at least I had something to read that didn't make me sit on the couch ALL day. LOL. I can see how it would make a fun movie tho.

I also beaded a bezel for a piece of teal-green transparent glass with dichoric glass pieces inside. I used Delica beads in 904 (I think) with peyote and right-angle weave. Then I did a peyote bail and strung it on black rattail. I don't have any teal-green clothing and am not planning on buying any so the black rattail will disappear when I wear it with a black tee shirt. The glass looks better with a black background so it should stand out.

I went to dinner once. K & J called and we decided to go out with them. Fun. Saw the BIL who joined us and then we saw 2 friends who'd decided to have dinner together. They joined our table and it was a fun night...even tho it was hard to talk to the other end of the table. Not to mention that both ends of the table are from different eras in our lives so while they've met each other, it's not like they've spent a lot of time with one another. All in all, fun tho.

I also went shopping with 2 different friends at 2 different times. But both times me and the daughter went. It was fun hanging out with my daughter and my friends. Course the daughter has grown up with both of these women so when I had to leave to take a call about my friend in the hospital I didn't feel badly about making them talk to one another. LOL. The daughter is grown up enough to have a conversation rather than having to be babysat.

So it was a nice balance of doing some stuff and staying home and doing stuff at home. 3 days off was nice, I wish I had the rest of the week off tho. hahahaha. Back to the grind in about an hour.

Oh yeah AND I did my fingernails and my toenails. Red, red, red.

It's been a tough couple of days. Not me personally but I've watched from afar a friend who's had some bad months due to horrible pain that docs could not figure out or didn't take seriously.

I heard from him on Fri. He had what looked like a neurological problem and could not walk. His legs stopped working. The emergency docs said there was nothing wrong with him. They thought he was a drug addict looking for pain meds. They fucking released him even tho he could not walk.

He isn't a drug addict, he wasn't faking it. He went into surgery yesterday because a friend of his took him back to the emergency room and because he's a doctor they listened.

He went into emergency surgery because they found a giant tumor on his spine.

I talked to him today. He does not know his prognosis. He does not know if he will ever walk again. It's likely it's cancer. He's already had one bout of cancer. He's more optimistic than not but he's also on major pain meds and he's not been told of everything yet.

I talked to his mom first. She is having a tough time. She's in her 70's and is focusing on the fact that he made it through surgery.

I have to figure out how to get out to see him. I cannot sit around and not get out there soon.

I've had this whole weekend to worry about him and to look at my family and our health and be so grateful for what we have.

Ya know truly if there had been a health bill when Bush was in office, I would have supported it. I don't understand why this MUST be about parties.

I don't always vote party...and the health care insurance bill isn't (to me) about parties or how conservative or liberal you are politically.

To me, it's about people. Helping people. I read this article today in part: "The Senate Republican whip, speaking to reporters on a conference call from his home state of Arizona, said that even if the Democrats do away with a government-run insurance option, the GOP most likely won't support the bill that's being written in the Senate.

"I think it's safe to say that there are a huge number of big issues that people have," Kyl said, referring to Republican senators. "There is no way that Republicans are going to support a trillion-dollar-plus bill."

And I guess I don't get it, I don't get why someone would make a blanket statement that no matter what a particular party will not support a bill to help humanity. No matter what concessions are made.

I do believe most people WOULD sit around a table and discuss it rationally, hammering out how it could be done if it weren't so much about the balance of power rather than treating people right.

It makes me sad.

Three days off. Hooray.

Yesterday I got off work 2 hours early. I used those extra 2 hours napping. It was good.

I got the rules I won in the mail. One was broken. The tip broke off one side, about an inch of the tip is broken into 2 pieces. It's a triangular ruler. The box was also bent so it easy to see how it was damaged. I also got a bias ruler. Just put it on fabric edge to edge and mark...instant perfect bias!

Today I have to go to a "retreat" at work. That's where we close the office and retreat offsite and do planning for the next year. Me and my boss are supposed to be there but literally there is no reason for us to go.

Last night at 5:10 one of the bosses told me they had to do a presentation on personality styles (like Myers-Briggs) and she asked me to bring mine in so she and I could do a comparison in front of everyone. We have two opposite personalities. She prefers to sit in her office never coming out and not talking to a lot of people. I prefer to move around talking to a lot of different people. (which is why I hate being chained to my desk doing nothing every day). She must deliberate for days her decisions and I make them right now. It will make for a good example for people. It irritates me that she asked me to do this the night before when my profile is at home, not somewhere where I can make copies for everyone. A friend of mine suggested I not bring mine in to make the boss do the whole thing on her own. I won't take that suggestion for various reasons. I guess one thing is true, your personality type doesn't vary much when it comes to natural reactions...it's a challenge to be given something at the last minute and get it done. So I'll do it.

Yesterday a girl who is above me in an administrative position told me I had to change a form to say: "Hours will very monthly". I am very amused by that.

Hey, guess what? Today I found out I won 2 Simplicity quilting rulers from C & T Publishing. Cool eh? I was jazzed all day. I constantly lose rulers and yardsticks...so I'm hoping these won't be "lost" as I'll tell the family "Hands OFF!"

They're going to send me 2 of one of these on this page here. I don't know which 2, there were multiple winners and they said they'd select 2 for each person.

What a nice thing eh?

The other thing is I was busy almost all day. THAT is a nice turn. What I wouldn't give to be busy all day at work. Except not the kind of Rube Goldberg busy of yesterday please. LOL.

That's my report for today.

Dear Diary...LOL, some days I wonder if I'm just crazy because I seem to be the only one who scratches their head over Rube Goldberg practices.

We have to document every financial expenditure at work. It's a good practice because we do get audited every few years. It's understood at my job everything is documented. We have to go to training to know all the documentation rules for audits.

I had a form returned to me yesterday because a change in the total dollar amt we were spending changed. No problem. The new contract came in and I scanned it into a 3 page PDF document. First page was the approval form with a small space for the description details of what we were spending. The total dollar amount was written into the box that said Total. There was a brief description of the total. The contract was scanned in as pages 2 and 3. I wrote in the small description box to see attached for details.

NO! It was returned to me because the entire description had to be in the 2 inch space, it could not be attached, even tho it was in a single PDF document.

The person who returned it said it could not be in separate pages. The full description had to be on one page. She said it was for auditing purposes.

Since I had a PDF and a Excel doc I had to redo the Excel doc so there was more room than the 2 inches available. Then I had to shrink the PDF description down a number of times to fit in the available space. I cut it and then taped it onto the form and then scanned that so the description was on a single page. Took me 45 mins to do the whole thing. (Mostly because I had to redo the Excel form and unprotect and protect fields, PITA really). Scanning the pages also takes time.

Eventually she admitted it was so her boss who has to sign it didn't have to flip the page to read the detail. Sooooo, I spent an extra 45 mins on this stupid document not because of auditing purposes but so HER BOSS DIDN'T HAVE TO FLIP TO PAGE 2 TO SEE THE DETAIL.
Flipping the page might have taken him 1/10 of a second. But she makes me spend 45 mins. redoing the form when a single page format is not required for auditing purposes.

No wonder we can never get anything done timely at the university.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

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