Saturday, September 26, 2009

Some things come to an end

Tonight I did something drastic.  I quit book club.  I realized, with crystal clarity that I was not having fun anymore.  This has been coming for months.  

It hit home tonight when I was talking about my friend who is dying of cancer.  It's a part of his story that he did not attend to his melanoma when he was not working.  No insurance, no doctor visits.  Unfortunately because of his decision his melanoma (which was removed once he got insurance) had spread.  My story tonight had nothing to do with the political hot topic of insurance reform. Nothing.  It was the story of how he has been mishandled by the medical establishment.  Not once did I mention insurance reform, not once did I mention my political beliefs on reform.

But 2 of the bc members kept quiet about his dying and kept shooting looks at one another.  I don't understand that.  I don't understand how they choose to make this about my political beliefs rather than my friend dying and how all of his friends are rallying around him to make the rest of his life as comfortable as possible.

And then the book.  OMG, I hated the book.  Whatever.  We all have our personal preferences about whatever material we're reading.  2 other members besides me didn't understand the book because as far as I'm concerned the device the author used was ambiguous and half-horror that never went anywhere.  It was 3 likes the book and 3 disliked the book. In any case the 2 members who kept shooting looks at one another during my friends story were in the kitchen and one said to the other, "I guess some people don't get metaphor".  That was really the kicker.  

So as I drove home I decided I wasn't having fun and some things come to an end.  This is one of them, at least for me.

One of the members has already called me.  She said, "How dare you quit before I quit?"  She's going to send email as well, saying she's going to take a break.  She's not quite as in your face as I am.  I invited the others to call me or email or not to reply at all, it's their choice.  But if they want specifics I'll tell them exactly why I'm done.

I'm fairly certain my best friend (who is the co-originator with me of this book club) will end up quitting as well.  This is not a dividing the troops type of thing if she doesn't that's ok too.  The friend who called me asks if we can do our own book club and we're already deciding to go on without the others.  We'll do a once a month dinner with book discussion.  It will be much nicer not having to be afraid to discuss things because one of us don't agree on a particular subject.  We can have those kinds of discussions without taking things personally.

So I feel freer tonight.  


VO said...

I've already gotten email from my best friend and the other friend who was so angry last night. She left way early she was so mad.

Both are leaving, the best friend because she couldn't stand how the one woman treated me last night and the fact that she and I started this book club and as far as she's concerned we are the beginning and end of the club. I made sure to tell her that I was not expecting anyone to leave because I was, if you're having fun still stay, there isn't any law that says she can't be in multiple book clubs.

The other woman is also leaving because she's tired of having to be careful about certain topics because the 2 rude ones shoot those sideways glances at each other while she gives her opinion too. And the idea that for some reason the rest of us aren't as "smart" as they are. Which is quite funny when you think about it.

In any case, it feels like I've left a bad relationship. And that feels good.

Hickster said...

:) that's all i need to say. just smiles!

Hickster said...

oh...and xoxoxo

VO said...

I am smiling. I'm so over it. It's been coming for a while, I just can't hang with people who are ok with making others feel uncomfortable.

Thank you for the hugs, smiles and kisses. :-)

Billy Canary said...

politics over compassion. pathetic and sad. it's a paranoid person that feels threatened by your story.
Xo my brilliant wife-o

VO said...

xo my brilliant hub.

Brother Atom Bomb of Reflection said...

Some people just have hearts of sawdust.

VO said...

It's very sad but I'm glad I'm not the one with a sawdust heart.

Besides, I cry too easily, it'd make a big soggy mess.

Hickster said...

curious.....were the two eyeballs rolling peeps the ones you spoke of in the cemetary?

VO said...

Yes, the very same.

VO said...

btw, the other two have sent email to everyone dropping out. The biggest eyeroller replied saying it this was the end so be it. The lesser eyeroller was mad that we didn't talk about it and decide to celebrate our 13 years of togetherness.

Personally I see no benefit to talking about my issues as a group. I said in my email they were welcome to call me I'd explain by phone but neither of the eyerollers have called. Not me nor the other two who have now dropped.

The last one, K, hasn't responded except to ask us all if we were all playing a joke on her. Sadly, no we are not.